Love Is Blind
by SIAA
Summary: When Helen loses her sight in a vicious attack, Nikki is left to look after her. Will love blossom from tragedy? AU Nikk/Helen
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"C'mon Stewart! Just because you've spent the whole summer in Spain doesn't mean you can keep slacking now."

"Leave me alone, Claire - I'm knackered. I am totally jet lagged."

"Jet lagged? From Spain? Not buying it, Stewart. Up."

"You sound just like my Dad with your lectures." Thankfully Claire couldn't hear Helen's muffled complain from under the duvet as she entered their bathroom to brush her teeth. When she returned Helen hadn't moved an inch.

"Helen, it's the first day of the new term. You can't miss it. You need to pick up your timetable, otherwise you'll be lost for the rest of the year."

"I was lost all of last year too…not picking up my class timetable won't make a difference. Now piss off and let me sleep!" Helen moodily pulled the duvet back over her head to block out the incessant nagging of her friend and the bright sunshine that ebbed through the window and disturbed her dream-like state.

"No, I will not "piss off" as you so pleasantly put it. You're coming with me, and that's final." Yanking back the bed sheets Claire tugged at her friends upper limbs until she gave in and stormed off into the bathroom that separated their rooms.

"That bloody Irish determination in you annoys me, do you know that!"

"Yep, that's why I do" Claire laughed heartily while she ducked to avoid Helen's t-shirt that was projected at her like a missile.

"Hey, never mind chucking things and get a move on lady. You're 22 years old...i shouldn't have to nag you."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm ready." Helen appeared from the toilet fully dressed, in tight fitting top and jeans that sat snugly around her thighs, her hair immaculate and just a touch of mascara on her long lashes.

"How is it you can look so good in just 10 minutes?"

"Good genes." Helen smiled seductively, her tongue dancing at the back of her teeth.

"If you weren't my best friend…and so totally hetro…" Claire was practically drooling at her room mate.

"Yeah, I know, you keep telling me, just keep those hormones in check Miss Walker!"

* * *

Larkhall, North London's premier university was swarming with students, old and new, ready to begin a new year of study.

Helen Stewart was a forth year student getting ready to finish her Masters degree in clinical psychology, and if her marks were good enough, she would move on to complete a phD - just like her father wanted.

Claire Walker, her best friend and roommate was also in her forth year, studying criminal law. Her hopes and ambitions were equal to Helen's, although when it came down to being studious Claire won hands down every time. Helen, although intelligent, was easily distracted - especially when fun was involved. If Claire hadn't know her, she would have sworn Helen's chosen degree was the history of alcohol.

Both friends were complete polar opposites. Helen the mischievous Scottish girl who made living life to the max' an art form, and Claire the quiet Irish girl, born to wealthy parents who put her through the best boarding schools money could buy and sensible to a fault. How they ever became friends no one understood, but each shared a bond that was unbreakable.

* * *

Helen couldn't wait for the end of the week to approach. It just wasn't coming quick enough. First week back was always a nightmare. Getting back into the routine of long, tedious lectures, agonisingly boring slide-shows in badly ventilated lecture halls, taken by pompous know-it-alls, was no easy task. So when Friday afternoon finally came it was with a huge sigh of relief. One week gone, and only another 30 or so to go until graduation, then onto the big, bad world of work experience.

"Fancy a night down the local? My treat for making you drag me out of bed every morning in life." Helen practically skipped her way down the stone stairwell and onto the gravel pathway at the front of the old Victorian building.

"To be honest Hel, I'm not really in the mood. I have some case studies I want to go over before Monday."

"You're joking, right? Come on Claire, it's Friday…the weekend starts here!" Helen threw her hands in the air in an act of celebration, but Claire couldn't muster the enthusiasm to join in.

"I know, I know. I'm a boring bastard, but honestly Helen, I'm not up for it…you go though. You'll have more fun with me not being there to nag you about how much you're flirting, or drinking." Claire's eyes met the gravel, never once looking up to make eye-contact with her friend. She knew if she did Helen would tell she was lying…but this was just as much of a giveaway.

"Wait. You're not going home to go over case studies at all, are you? You're meeting up with that girl you met last weekend!" Claire's eyes bulged from her head in shock.

"How the hell did you find out about that!"

"I may have been in Spain, but I still have my sources at home you know." Helen patted the edge of her nose and laugh infectiously. She loved to get one over on Claire who always played Miss Innocent.

"Helen!"

"Yvonne told me this morning when I went to see if she needed any volunteers for student services."

"I don't know what I'm more shocked about…the fact you know about Caroline, or that you actually volunteered for something!" Claire laughed.

"Hey, it's a worthwhile cause you know. There's a lot of students out there that need and help and advice…I always fancied being a surrogate big sister to someone. Being an only child must do that to you." Claire raised her eyebrows and waited on the truth.

"Okay, that and it earns me extra points towards my degree."

"Andddd?" Claire knew there was much more than extra points at the bottom of Helen's new-found enthusiasm to help fellow students.

"And what? isn't that reason enough?" Helen tucked a stray strand of hair behind her right ear, fidgeting under her friends interrogations.

"Nope. I know you too well. Now come on, spill…who is he?"

"Why do you presume a man is my ulterior motive?"

"I just told you. I know you too well. A man is always at the root with you. Now are you going to tell me or do I have to find out for myself?"

"Bloody hell Claire, the Japanese would have loved you in world war II. Water torture is nothing compared to you! His name is Thomas Waugh, he's In his last year of an MD, gorgeous eyes and perfect manners. We met in Spain. He was there with his friend Sean Parr. They're a nice couple of guys - pity men aren't your cup of tea or we could have double dated."

"Yeah, well I'll stick to Caroline thank you very much."

"Ohhh, Caroline…" Helen mocked to embarrass her friend more. "So, where are you both going tonight then?"

"Well, I was planning on taking her for a meal…but since you're going to be going to the pub, we may just stay in and have a cosy night in front of the television instead."

"Nice. I'll stay out as long as I can in that case. Perhaps things will get overly cosy." Helen gave Claire a wink and followed it up with a quick kiss on her scarlet cheek as they parted ways. Claire left to go to a perfect night at the start of a wonderful relationship…and Helen to a night that would change her life forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Helen walked into the student union, a smile on her face and a spring in her step. She had been looking forward to this all week. It had been almost three long months since she had last been here having fun with all her friends from university. But the upside was the joys of catching up after 12 weeks apart. There was always so much to talk about, all those stories of the summer holiday escapades - by the end of the night sides and cheeks hurt and there usually wasn't a dry eye in the place.

The bar was quiet. Unusual for 6.30pm on a Friday night. Helen looked around her, but no one seemed familiar. Even the bar staff looked different - all except one.

"Trisha! How's it going?"

"Helen! Hey! It's good to see you back" The blonde barmaid emerged from behind the wooden counter and enveloped her friend in a tight bear hug.

"Its good to see you too! What's been happening around here…its like a funeral parlour." Helen glanced around the room. It wasn't too appealing when it was this empty and you were sober.

"Tell me about it. A new place opened in town, "Enigma" Its prices are competitive and its drawing in the younger crowds. We can't compete unfortunately." Trisha let out a defeatist sigh and smiled.

"But every cloud has a silver lining…I've been promoted to bar manager. Bobby thinks an injection of young blood on the staff will do wonders for this place, but I have other ideas to spice this place up. Theme nights, karaoke, gay and lesbian nights…" Trisha's grin was mischievous.

"That will certainly spice things up…can't wait to see Sylvia's face when you suggest the last one."

"Me either, but hopefully I won't have to. The Hollamby's are hanging up their optics at the end of the month. They've bought a funeral home in Morecombe." The girls held their sides in laughter as they imagined the old couple lugging around dead bodies.

"Well Sylvia certainly has the people skills for dealing with the recently departed. I thought one body bag would have been enough for Bobby, though!" Helen giggled at her own joke and gratefully accepted a pint of Fosters from a new blonde barmaid, who wore a skirt that resembled a belt and a top that showed more than an ample amount of cleavage.

"That'll be £1.80, love." Helen handed over the money with a smile, but what could only be described as scowl was given in return.

"She's cheery." Helen nodded towards the girls, but there was no need. It was blatantly obvious to Trisha who Helen was on about.

"That's Shell, Bobby's niece. Trust me, once he retires she's out on her ear. She's a right trouble maker. Only last week I caught her in the cellar with the guy from the brewery, and she was certainly rolling out the barrel!"

"Lucky her! I wish I could get someone to take an interest in me." Helen unconsciously played with the rim of her pint glass, deep in thought.

"That guy there looks more than interested. He hasn't taken his eyes off of you since you walked in here." Helen followed Trish's eyes, turning 180 degrees on her chair. She was vaguely intrigued, but when she saw who it was her enthusiasm died on the spot.

"Och, no. That's just Sean, he's a friend." She gave him a smile and a wave before turning back to Trisha, who had an "I know better" look on her face.

"Trust me Helen, I know when someone's interested, and that guy there is. You can almost smell the desperation coming from him. In fact, I bet he's undressing you in his mind as we speak." Slinking off to serve another customer at the other end of the bar she left Helen wondering if she was right. She didn't see Sean in that way, and as flattering as it was, she didn't want him to see her as more than a friend. Not when she was interested in the possibility of dating his friend, the soon to be Dr Waugh.

She shook away the horrible sensation Trisha's words had left her with. The idea of Sean fancying her somehow gave her the creeps. He had been lovely enough when she met him at first, but he really was not her type; neither in looks not personality. If he was keen, she would have to let him down gently.

She turned around again expecting Sean's eyes to meet hers but he was gone.

* * *

The night seemed to fly by in a flash. One minute it had been 6.30pm and the next minute the bell for last orders was ringing in her ears. The far off echoing made Helen realise how drunk she had become. The realisation became worse as she tried unsuccessfully to prise herself down from the bar stool she was seated on, wobbling along with it as she held on for dear life.

"Off so soon?" Trisha lifted the several pint glasses that sat empty on the bar and placed them carefully in the sink under the bar.

"I've got to. My legs are no longer connected to my brain." Helen was surprised at her own ability to string a sentence together.

"Can't hack the pace Stewart…call yourself a Scot?" Trisha teased her playfully.

"Being Scottish has nothing to do with it…" Helen felt her legs turn to jelly and the room spin around her like she stood on an extremely fast turnstile.

"You okay? The colours drained from your face." Trisha didn't seem to playful any more.

"Yeah, I'll be fine once I get a bit of fresh air. It's so stuffy and smoky in here." Helen squinted her eyes.

"Do you want me to call you a taxi?" Trisha couldn't hide her concern, and Helen was grateful for it. Not many people would have cared.

"No, but thanks. The walk will do me the world of good, and I don't want to get home too early. Claire's romancing her new bird…don't want to be walking in on them in a compromising position now, do I." Helen managed a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Jealous?" Trisha could tell Helen was happy for her friend, but deep down longed for that closeness herself. As long as she'd know her, Helen had only ever been in relationships that barely lasted out the week.

"Mmm…something like that. Anyway, I'm off. The sooner I walk the sooner I get to bed."

"Alone I hope." Trisha joked.

"Always."

* * *

Helen had been right, the fresh night air was doing her the world of good. The light rain soaked through her clothes, relieving her of the sticky, clammy feeling the pubs atmosphere has left her with, and the gentle blowing through her fine blonde hair made her feel like she was flying.

This was as journey she had made a million times in the last three years, but never alone. The wooded pathway that normally appeared so beautiful and serene was now tainted by fear. The silence engulfed her, and the ominous rustling of the leaves were like hushed, whispered words that were eerily enchanting.

Shivers ran the length of her spine like someone had just walked over her grave, and uncharacteristically for her, irrational thoughts plagued her mind.

Humming a tune audibly as though it would somehow ward off any psychopaths lurking in the trees she sped up her step, now completely uncaring if she interrupted Claires evening of passion.

The lights of the far off streets behind her seemed to dim rather too quickly, plunging her into near darkness where all she could see in front of her was the stone-gravel directly beneath her feet.

She halted momentarily, listening intently to the sounds of nature echoing beautifully, yet terrifyingly around her, trying to differentiate what was caused by the weather and what wasn't.

The shuffling of stones in the distance immediately sobered her up.

"Hello? Who's there?" the only answer she received was the intense pounding of her own heart.

"Christ, I'm being stupid…" her breathing became less laboured as she allowed herself to laugh ambivalently at her own paranoia.

"Wait until Claire hears this one…me alone in the woods talking to myself."

"You could always talk to me …" Helen spun around in shock at the voice behind her. Her eyes locked with his for a split second before his hand clasped across her mouth, muffling the screams that echoed into the silence.

His possessed face was the last thing she saw before her head met with the sodden walkway and her consciousness left her. This was where her life as she knew it would come to an end.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

The beeping of various pieces of life saving equipment sent chills to Claire's core. Her best friend lay motionless on the pristine hospital bed where she had spent the last eight hours, since being brought in to the single room on an isolated ward.

The room was surgically clean and beyond white, causing Helen's pale complexion to fade into the walls, and the bruises that littered her face became frighteningly more apparent against their backdrop.

Watching the on duty staff nurse potter quietly around the bed, changing drips and observing monitors, Claire found it hard to form the words to the questions that rattled unanswered around her tired brain. In eight hours no one had told her a thing. All Doctors would say was that her friend was "critical. Claire mused sadly at what was a blatantly obvious statement to be made from someone so educated.

Caroline's hand slid gently around Claire's waist, and squeezed lightly in an act of reassurance that prompted her to attempt to formulate a coherent sentence.

Giving her girlfriend a sidewards glance she opened her mouth to speak, but her voice cracked on the first syllable. Embarrassed, she gave a cough and tried again.

"Excuse me?" Her words were merely a whisper, but yet seemed so loud in the silence of the room

"Yes?" The nurse turned her head to stare at the two women who looked at her with a fear she had seen in the eyes of relatives a million times before.

"I was wondering when I would be able to speak to a Doctor regarding my friends condition. Only, its been hours, and no one had been able to tell us what's going on." Claire was as placid as a person came, but tonight there was no hiding the anger and resentment in her words.

"I'm sorry you've been kept waiting for so long, but there's a shortage of Doctors on staff this evening and we are all pretty rushed off our feet." The nurse tried to sound sympathetic, even although it wasn't her problem. To this woman's friends it was a disgrace, but to her under-staffing was a common occurrence she had long ago gotten used to.

"Can you tell me anything?" Claire tried her best to remain patient, but it was wearing thin.

"All I can really tell you is that at the moment Miss Stewart is critical yet stable." Claire rolled her eyes and was about to launch into a tirade about the state of the NHS when the door opened and a small, yet handsome male, wearing a knee length white coat strolled in with a genuine smile on his face.

"I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting this dreadful length of time Miss Walker, do accept my sincerest apologies." Claire nodded by way of acknowledgement, and feebly shook the Doctors proffered hand.

"I'm Dr. Martin Wallace, consultant Neurologist here at UCL, and I'll be dealing with Miss Stewart from now on in. It seems your friend has sustained a pretty nasty bump to the head, and from what I can see from the MRI scan results there seems to be some unusual activity going on in the temporal lobe area of the brain. What that activity is, we don't know, it's too early to say, and we probably won't know until Miss Stewart regains consciousness and we can carry out some more, in-depth tests." Claire listened intently to each word that was spoken, and let out the breath she was holding as he finished.

"So she will regain consciousness?" Relief shone in her eyes as she turned to Caroline and smiled widely for the first time in hours.

"I don't see why not. Other than the bump to the head, and a lot of superficial bruising your friend seems to have gotten away lightly from what I deem to be a very brutal attack. Helen was very lucky Miss Walker. It could have been far worse, and I'm sure whoever did this to her intended it to be that way." Claire hung her head. She knew just how bad the attack had been on her best friend. The policeman that had turned up at her dorm room in the early hours had filled her in on exactly how Helen had been found. Obvious signs of sexual assault had been inflicted upon her, all while she had been unconscious. A blessing, Claire thought to herself, knowing Helen was unlikely to remember a thing that happened. But unfortunately that also meant it was highly unlikely she would remember who her attacker was either.

* * *

Nikki Wade made her way into the little pub that sat at the end of a deserted pathway that led from the halls of residence, and plonked herself down at bar with a sigh.

"Pint of Fosters, please darling'" The blonde bar maid gave her a smile and did as requested, placing the glass down in front of the stranger.

"You're new around here, aren't you?" Nikki nodded and took a sip of her ice cold beer.

"I'm Trisha Harris, pleasure to meet you."

"Nikki Wade." Nikki returned the smile and let her eyes run over the attractive woman stood before her.

"So Ms Wade, what brings you to Larkhall?" Trisha took a seat next to Nikki and took a quick sip from her bottle of water, which had long gone warm.

"I'm a student. I've transferred here from Oxford to do my final year."

"Oxford eh? Brains and looks." Trisha's flirting didn't go amiss with Nikki but she skimmed over it. Too many pretty blondes had caused damage in the past and she was in no rush to add another relationship disaster to the long list she had already built up.

"Nah, I had rich parents who had friends in high places. It was a classic case of who you know, not what you know." Trisha acknowledged Nikki with a smile, wishing she had had the privilege of an upper class upbringing.

Just as she was about to broach the subject of why Nikki had used the past tense to describe her parents, a very flustered looking male ran into her line of vision, stopping her in her tracks.

"Hiya Dom, where's the fire, or are you just desperate for a pint?" Trisha slid down from the bar stool and began to make her way behind the bar to serve him when his hand gently grabbed her arm and spun her round.

"I've just heard about Helen…what happened!" Dom fought to catch his breath as Trisha stood in silence, a frown creasing her forehead.

"You've completely lost me Dominic, what about Helen? She was perfectly fine when she left here last night." Worry was now beginning to take over her body as she imagined the worst, but nothing prepared her for what Dominic was about to tell her.

"What?" Trisha's eyes suddenly felt moist and a pang of guilt stabbed at her heart.

"I should have made her get a taxi home" Her words were merely a whisper, but loud enough for Nikki to hear and envelope her in a hug of pity.

"Hey, listen, I'm sure this isn't your fault. If your friend had wanted a taxi then I'm sure she would have ordered one herself…"

"But she was pretty drunk, Nikki…I should have made her stay and walked her home…or something." Trish pulled back from the warm embrace and wiped her tear stained cheeks.

"And if you had done that you may well be lying in the hospital bed beside her. Now's not the time for what ifs. Go and see her, it sounds like she's going to need a friendly face when she wakes up."

"I can't Nikki, I only have one bar maid on staff tonight and she's bloody useless. I can't trust her to be left alone."

"Well in that case let me help out. I've worked in bars before to fund me through uni. You don't have a choice when your parents cut me out you their lives and their bank balance…and... if I do say so myself, I'm shit hot with the optics. Tom cruise in "Cocktail" had nothing on me!" Nikki's pathetic attempt at a joke was enough to lighten the mood and elicit a small, polite giggle from the blonde woman who's face was a picture of sadness.

"If you're sure, and I'll make sure I pay you the going hourly rate."

"What no bonus for being a good Samaritan?" Nikki gave her a toothy grin and a wink.

"Go, go on, everything will be fine here" Nikki stood and made her way towards the optics at the other end of the bar, using a discarded dish towel to wipe away the residual liquid glass stains along the mahogany worktop as she went.

"Okay, and again, thanks, Nikki, you're a lifesaver." Trisha quickly lifted her jacket and ran towards the main exit without further question, Dominic following not far behind her.

* * *

Claire and Caroline lifted their belongings from Helen's bedside and silently made their way into the brightly lit corridor outside.

"The Doctors right, Claire, we wont be any good to Helen if we don't get some rest. And, yes, I know, before you say it, you wont be able to sleep…but a comfy bed and some food will do you the world of good, as opposed to sitting in those God awful plastic chairs in there."

"I know, I just don't want her waking up to find no one with her. I can't have her thinking I don't care." Claire rubbed her tired eyes wearily as the 100 watt bulbs on the ceiling burned into her pupils.

"She won't think that, and besides, she wont be alone…look…"

Claire lifted her head and followed her girlfriends stare to see her friends Dominic and Trisha rushing speedily towards them.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry…how is she?" Trisha grabbed Claire in a bone crushing embrace that the smaller woman was too weak to return yet welcomed with open arms.

"As well as can be expected I suppose. We're just leaving. I'm going back to get a shower and gather some of Helen's things, so that when she wakes up she has everything she needs."

"She's still unconscious?" Trisha didn't know why her question sounded so exasperated. This was exactly the state she imagined Helen to be in, but the reality frightened her.

Taking a slight glimpse into the single room her eyes were greeted with the sight of her friend. A gasp escaped her mouth which she tried to hide behind her hand. The guilt she felt before was nothing compared to how she felt now. Helen Stewart was the first friend she made 3 years ago when she moved to Larkhall to take up her job as barmaid in the local union, and ever since their bond had grown stronger into a mutual love and respect that only best friends could have. Herself, Helen and Claire were like the three muskateers.

"Oh, Helen, I'm so sorry." Dominic wrapped a loving arm around Trisha and patted her hair down as her head met the crook between his neck and shoulder. He knew exactly how she was feeling, but held his own emotions inside. The only thing he could do now was be a shoulder to cry on when his friends needed him, and now was that time.

"I'll stay with Trisha while she sits with Helen, you guys get off and do what you have to do back at the dorms. I'll call if there's any change in her condition."

"Thanks Dom. We shouldn't be long though."

No more words were spoken as Claire and Caroline descended towards the automatic doors, and Dominic and Trisha took over their seats by Helen's bed.

Trisha immediately made a grab for her friends hand, which she gently stroked with her thumb, backwards and forwards across a large black bruise that tainted the silken, olive skin that was hidden beneath it.

Her mind replayed their five hour catch up conversation from the night before, from the minute Helen entered the pub to the minute she drunkenly left to walk the path that led her to to this state.

She was far off in her thoughts when she felt Helen's body jerk, and the hand she was holding begin to move…slowly at first, then with more urgency.

"Helen? It's Trisha. Don't panic sweetheart, but your in hospital and everything is going to be okay." Helen didn't flinch, but gave a slight nod of recognition before she tried to sit herself up.

Her face contorted in anguish as the pains coursed through her body at and alarming rate, halting her movements. She resigned herself to the fact she was going nowhere and rested her back once again onto the pillows that were built up behind her.

"Don't try to move, Helen. Stay where you are." Helen nodded again and gave her friends hand a light squeeze.

"I can't open my eyes, Trisha." Helens speech was groggy as she came back to the world of the living. He large purple swelling on her lip wasn't helping matters.

"Helen, your eyes are open already, sweetheart." Trisha gave Dominic a worried look, which he returned.

"No, they can't be." Helen's head turned, and her eyes met with Trisha's.

"They are. You're looking at me right now." Trisha's voice quivered as she tried to keep her composure.

"I can't see you." A tear slipped down Helen's cheek as the fear of that implication hit her.

"I can't see, Trisha, help me! Please." Dominic was up and out of his chair before Trisha even had a chance to comprehend what was happening, and even quicker he had returned to the room with a Doctor in tow.

"Its okay, Helen, the Doctor's here now" She stood back to give the MD better access to the head of the bed and curled herself closer to Dom for comfort.

Both watched speechless as Helen's neurologist, Dr Wallace shone his pocket sized torch into the woman's eyes, which were unresponsive.

"Helen, follow the light for me."

"I can't see a light…what's happening?" Helen sobbed in desperation. She didn't understand why she couldn't see, or why she had ended up lying in a hospital bed. But her doctor understood perfectly. He switched off the light and turned to the two friends who waited for him to speak with baited breath…but his face said all they needed to know.

"Helen, I understand this is frightening, but I have to be completely honest with you. Your eye's aren't responding to the light, and as far as I can see, the bump you have sustained to the occipital lobe when you fell to the ground appears to have caused complete sight impairment."

"I'm blind?" Helen prayed she had misunderstood what she was being told, but she knew she hadn't.

"I'm sorry, but yes, you are. It may be temporary, but I'm afraid the likelihood of you regaining any vision is very slim. Only in very rare cases have I seen a patient recover fully from such a head injury."

The Doctor stood for a moment listening to the sobs of two women. He remained until he was certain he wasn't needed and sidled away towards the door.

"I'll leave you with your friends." He uttered sadly.

Helen heard his retreat, but didn't acknowledge it. Instead she curled into a ball on her side and cried like she had never cried before.

It wasn't just her sight she had lost…her life as she had known it was gone and things would never be the same again.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes…"

**Four weeks later**

"What the hell?" Trisha's gaze was drawn away from the television in the corner of the bar and watched in astonishment as the pubs front door flew open at speed and a tall figure dashed through it like an Olympic sprinter.

"Sorry I'm late!" Nikki halted in front of her and doubled over the bar to catch her breath.

"Calm down, we aren't busy…its Wednesday afternoon." Trisha stifled a laugh at the dark haired woman's unnecessary compassion to her new job.

"I know, but I don't like to let you down, and I hate people to think I'm unreliable."

"Well, you're here now, so make yourself useful…grab a seat and tell me all about what you've been up to since I last saw you and take away my boredom." Nikki did exactly as she was told, perching herself high up onto a bar stool for a well-earned rest as Trisha pointed the remote control towards the wall mounted television to turn the volume down, before turning her attentions back to her new friend.

"I've had a pisser of a week…and things have gone from bad to worse in the space of 24 hours, hence why I'm late." Nikki couldn't suppress the sigh that left her lips in an automatic expression of how she was feeling.

"What's happened?"

"What hasn't happened would be an easier question to answer. Well, first off I haven't slept in days thanks to the tosser in the room next to mine who thinks its perfectly acceptable to blast out Guns n Roses at 3 in the morning, my studies are suffering because I have to work ever hour that God sends to make ends meet, and to cap it all off my English Lit lecturer has put my name forward for student services. She thinks volunteering will do me the world of good, and I need the extra credits…I just don't have the bloody time for it though, or the patience! It's going to drive me round the friggin' twist having to help out some thicko student, with some kind of mental impairment, three days a week." Nikki caught her breath.

"Wow, you do have it rough. If there's anything I can do to help…" Nikki shook her head firmly.

"I'll get through it somehow…I don't have any other bloody option. Anyway, enough about my shitty existence, how's things with you? How's your friend?"

"Helen? She's not so good, either. She pretends she's fine, but we all know it's just a front she's putting on for our benefit. She knows we're all hurting for her, and she won't have it. Pity isn't something Helen copes well with. It's that stubborn Scottish streak she has running through her." Trisha gave a sad smile and carried on.

"She has point blank refused to go back to Glasgow to stay with her Father, so Claire, her room mate is looking after her…well, as much as Helen will allow her to."

"How's she coping with the knowledge of the attack?"

"As well as a person can after hearing you've been sexually assaulted. She doesn't talk about it, and acts like its no big deal, but again its all pretence. She's hurting inside, that much is obvious. She's a different Helen. All the fun has gone out of her, which is hardly surprising under the circumstances…but I miss seeing her smile, and her laugh…it used to be so infectious, she would have us all in stitches just listening to her. But, you know Nik, I don't think we'll ever hear her laugh like that again." Claire's chin trembled and Nikki grabbed her hand tightly with a squeeze.

"Hey, you will. It's gonna be a tough journey for her, and its still very early day's. Once she adapts to loosing her sight, and with all the love you guys give her she's got plenty to smile about again. Just give her time, and I'm sure the old Helen you know and love will reappear. She just needs a reason to live again."

"I hope you're right Nikki. I really hope you're right."

* * *

"Claire, stop bloody fussing over me!" Helen slapped her friends hand away as she unsteadily reached for the silver kettle that sat far back on the kitchen bunker.

"I've lost my eye sight, not my bloody marbles!" The kettle was pulled hastily from its holder and held under the cold water tap until it was full and replaced to boil.

"I know, I'm sorry Helen, but I'm just trying to do my best for you. I don't want to interfere, but you know as well as I do that there are certain things you can't do on you own, and I want to help."

"Thanks, Claire... for making me feel like a useless shit. It's one thing that I already feel worthless…but to have my best friend confirm it…thanks a fucking bunch." Hearing the kettle's power button switch off Helen fumbled around the bunker with her hands until her fingers entwined with the handle and lifted it from its cradle, pouring the boiling water into the cup, which she had already filled with a tea bag and milk.

"Oh come on Helen, you know that's not what I meant."

"Wasn't it? Helen turned so she was facing her friend, even although she couldn't make eye contact.

"No and you know it! Claire made for the kitchen door, knowing that if she stayed a full blown argument would ensue. Fighting with her best friend had become par for the course these last few weeks and she didn't know how much more of it she could take. Never in the last three years had a cross word been said between the two, but now every time Claire opened her mouth Helen chose to take a verbal swipe at her. Well not any more. No longer was Claire prepared to pander and tiptoe around Helen like she were some child wrapped in cotton wool, despite the love she felt for her. If Helen wanted to make things hard for herself then so be it, but she wasn't waiting around to see her fall flat on her face.

Helen lost her train of thought as she spun around to resume her pouring, knowing Claire was about to do a disappearing act on her like she always did when their conversations got heated. Anger and resentment welled in her like a bubbling geyser. Claire was treating her like she was a vegetable, incapable of taking care of herself, and she didn't like it one bit. She didn't need anyone helping her, especially out of pity, the reason, she assumed, Claire was so willing to aide.

"That's right Claire. Piss of to Caroline and had a good old bitching session about me." Helen whispered her words of resentment, not intending for anyone bar herself to hear them.

Her temper was rising up causing her to lose all focus on the concentration she desperately relied on since her vision had so cruelly and prematurely been taken from her.

Claire heard the blood curdling scream followed by the smashing of glass as Helen hurled her mug against the tiled wall. But she didn't turn back. Instead she walked out of the dorm room and headed straight towards the pub, whilst Helen sat with her back against the freezer door, nursing the blistering burn that covered the majority of her left hand.

Tears cascaded the length of her pale cheeks as she cried in frustration for everything she had lost and was about to lose. If this was how the rest of her life would be, she didn't know if she wanted to live any more.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

The sun was slowly rising on the horizon, its beautiful warm hue cast dancing shadows through the semi ajar window of Helen's dorm room window. The thin pastel curtains lay open and blew steadily in the gentle autumn breeze.

The single bed in the darkened room lay empty and in disarray; unmade and unkempt. A pile of clothes lay scattered by it's side, dumped in a heap that was begging to be tidied. But their owner was in no fit state to be doing so, not this morning at least. For Helen Stewart had bigger things to think about today.

Claire Walker lay in her own double bed in the room next door, sound asleep and wrapped warmly in a loving embrace that only her girlfriend, Caroline, could provide.

Her eyes opened slowly as she restlessly turned to stare at her bedside alarm clock, which read the time to be 7.09am. It was set for 7.30, but Claire knew another 21 minutes of sleep would make no difference, and instead decided to rise from her slumber and try to make herself presentable for her first morning lecture that was over an hour away.

Rolling stealthily away from her lover so as not to wake the sleeping woman who looked peacefully dreamy, she crept towards the bathroom in her bare feet, relishing the feel of the snug carpet rubbing softly against the cold soles.

Crossing along the hallway she noticed Helen's bedroom door lying open, a sight she was rarely met with in the morning. Helen always liked to keep the door closed tightly, to keep in her privacy and keep out any rude interruptions.

Stopping by the frame she peeked in tentatively, a frown quickly creasing on her forehead as she observed the vacant room.

"Where the hell is she," She wondered to herself, more than a little annoyed at Helen's disappearing act. But at the same time she was hugely concerned for her friends well-being. It had only been four weeks since the attack, and two weeks since Helen had been allowed home to cope on her own. All in all it was very little time for a person to adapt to and get used to the challenges that Helen had ahead of her. And despite Helen's constant protestations that she was fine and able to manage on her own, there was still a lot of emotions she had yet to let go of or acknowledge.

Claire had not seen her friend shed one single tear in the four weeks. Instead it seemed the only emotions Helen was capable of were anger, resentment, bitterness and a frightening fiery temper that could, and would, erupt at the drop of a hat.

She was no psychologist, that was Helen's forte, but it was obvious to herself and everyone around that Helen's sudden change in personality was not in the slightest bit healthy. She had gone from being a bubbly, social butterfly who was the life and soul of the party to being someone people could hardly bear to be around. For the fear of their head being bitten off when Helen flew into one of her uncontrollable rages was more than most could handle.

Entering the abandoned room Claire felt her heart constrict. A room that was once treated like Helen's pride and joy, a sparkling palace that was kept immaculate was now what could only be described as a dump.

Plates littered the floor along with clothes and various other items that certainly didn't belong there. The bedside table was filed to capacity with cups, and numerous food packages. CD's lay scattered amongst their opened cases on a shelf that used to house Helen's vast book collection, but was now almost empty, much to Claire's confusion.

This wasn't like Helen at all. It was almost as though some evil entity had taken over the body of her best friend…and she wanted her back, just the way she used to be, happy and smiling without a care in the world.

* * *

Nikki stretched her arms high in the air, her tight white t-shirt riding up her torso as she tried to soften the muscles that eight hours of sleep had hardened.

Glancing out of her window as she let her arms fall to her side she let out an audible yawn. How she longed to climb back into the sweet comfort and warmth of her bed, but it simply wasn't to be. Today was going to be a long one. Today was the day she started her voluntary job as student advisor, a fact that brought her much ire. Her degree was in English literature, not psychology, yet, somehow she had been roped in and there was no chance of backing out now.

Looking out over the campus grounds she noted how deserted and peaceful it looked so early in the morning. Thanks in part to the fact that the students who normally littered it would still be tucked up in their dorm rooms. All except one, it seemed.

On deeper inspection, Nikki, realised the patch of lawn wasn't as deserted as she first thought.

Two storeys down, underneath an ominously large, ancient looking Oak tree sat a girl, who Nikki surmised was around the same age as herself.

Knowing it was rude to stare Nikki tried to draw her eyes away from the lone figure who had curled herself onto the wooden bench, but found it almost impossible. For some reason she wanted to rush downstairs and bundle the girl into her arms, to take away the pain she could see was etched forlornly on her face. She was too far away to see for certain, but Nikki could tell she was crying.

What could be so bad, she wondered in pity as she made her way into the bathroom to shower.

The hot water cascaded down her back, washing away the sleep that evaded her mind, but it couldn't rid her of the thoughts of the lost looking female she had just witnessed outside.

For some bizarre reason she felt a connection to the girl that greatly disturbed her…but she brushed it aside with a caustic laugh.

"You always were a sucker for a woman in tears, Wade." She verbalised, but somehow the statement didn't seem as funny aloud as it had in her head.

Maybe there was more to this girl than met the eye.

Nikki emerged from the bathroom, a trail of steam following behind her as she vigorously rubbed at her hair with a dry towel to rid it of excess water. Her first instinct as she made her way back into her bedroom was to take a quick peek outside her window into the grounds below. The bench that previously had been occupied by the frail, lost looking girl was now empty apart from a few recently discarded leaves which had fallen from the tree that shadowed it.

_Oh well _she thought to herself as she began to pick out clothes to coincide with the weather.

* * *

Claire had dressed as quickly as was humanly possible and began to scour the almost deserted halls of residence for her AWOL friend, whose welfare she was greatly concerned for. With no sight, Helen was putting herself at huge risk by wandering away on her own, even in a place that was as familiar as the campus. There were obvious dangers lurking everywhere that would pose a massive threat to the sightless girl.

Hearing the bells chime from the nearby clock tower of the local Church, Claire gave a sigh of defeat. It was 9am and time for her to get off to her morning lecture. The search would have to wait, and hopefully, by the time she got back to her dorm, Helen would be there waiting…safe and well.

* * *

Everything she touched seemed cold beneath her sensitive palms. Textures, temperatures…everything seemed heightened as her hands reached out to help guide her on her way into the lecture hall.

Her fingers glided tentatively across the numberplate on the door then slide them downwards, wrapping themselves around a steel doorknob. She hoped she had the correct room as she twisted it around and pushed the door wide open.

The talking she had heard from outside seemed to stop abruptly and all that could be heard were a few gasps and whispered comments that she couldn't quite make out. Immediately a faint pink blush spread across her cheeks. She hated the fact she was suddenly the centre of attention; this weeks latest gossip. Hadn't people spoken enough about her behind her back since the attack? What did they want, a pound of flesh?

"Helen…it's lovely to see you back, dear." the ageing lecturer reached out his hand and rested on Helen's shoulder in an act of comfort that had the opposite effect. He felt her flinch under his touch and wisely he instantly retracted his arm.

"Why don't you come over here and take a seat." Hesitantly he lightly held her elbow to guide her over to the uncomfortable wooden seats, but again she silently let him know she resented his presence.

"I can do it on my own…" Helen's tone was bitter and didn't go unmissed by those who were in hearing distance.

"but thank you anyway." She softened her voice, knowing her professor was just trying to be helpful, but it was help she didn't want, and the quicker people realised this the better.

Edging her way across the room she could feel the stare of hundreds of fellow students boring into her, unnerving her to the core. Even although she couldn't see their faces she knew they would be wearing looks of pity and sorrow for her as they quietly observed the mesmerizing scene of her trying to get to a chair unaided and without further embarrassment.

She wanted to stop and scream from the bottom of her lungs, "have you never seen a blind person before!" but stopped herself. The one thing she had left from this attack was her dignity, and she wanted to keep hold of it. Losing it now was just what these halfwits would want…some more excitement to add to the freak show she was already putting on for them.

Feeling her knees had a hard surface she reached out her hands and began to fumble around the wooden bench, making sure she was in the right position to sit down and that no one was already sitting in the seat she had chosen.

Her hip painfully collided with the sharp corner as she manoeuvred her body into the tight space between the desk, but she bit her tongue and carried on with the agonising stinging coursing through her torso. Her right hand reached out behind her to catch the flip of the chair, pulling it down warily she attempted to sit but missed her desired destination, her bottom sliding short of the seat. She ignored the few gasps of surprise around her as she made a grab for the table in front of her and pushed herself back up, but not before snapping one of her fingernails backwards, breaking it off past the quick. She felt the slight trickle of blood slither down her index finger, and then the sudden rhythmic throb as she desperately tried to remain composed.

The pungent smell of aftershave from a person close by her tickled her nostril's with its strength…its aroma smelt vaguely familiar, but she couldn't place why.

The continued silence was almost deafening, and she couldn't help but let out a sigh of relief as she heard her lecture continue his lesson and the people around her begin to shift back into the comfort of their seats and their gaze return to the front of the room. But she could still feel a set of eyes staring at her…from her left someone was watching her…she knew it, she could feel their look penetrating her soul. The thought sent sending shivers down her spine.

Coming back to classes was too soon. She knew it herself, but she would never admit it. All she wanted was for her life to return to normal. But that wasn't a possibility any more…was it?

Closing her eyes she protectively wrapped her arms around herself and she could no longer hear the droning on of her teacher. She had drifted far off into a world where no one else could touch her, or hurt her.

* * *

Nikki sat in her class, idly playing with the pen in her hand, all her concentration focused anywhere but her studies.

Virginia Woolf's "Mrs Dalloway" sat unopened in front her, and unconsciously she tapped her pen on the front cover, rhythmically beating out an unknown tune. To say she was bored would have been an understatement. Being stuck in this stuffy room with 30 other people of similar age was the last place she wanted to be. She felt incarcerated against her will, when all she wanted to do was get out in the fresh air, to be amongst nature. Perhaps go for a peaceful walk with only her own thoughts for company.

Going to University had been her parents idea. They needed their only daughter to follow in the footsteps on her older brother, to get a fabulous education and become an academic they could be proud of. They wanted another child they could brag about to their friends down at the golf club. But in Nicola, all the had gotten was a huge disappointment instead. No daughter of the wonderful Admiral Wade and his devoted wife could be a Lesbian. No, his children had to be good Christian, straight, law abiding citizens who did exactly what he told them to do and become what he told them to be. Nikki, the Lesbian renegade simply had to be cut out.

There really was no need to be at University now that they had disowned her from their lives. She no longer had anything to prove to them. She could be the person she wanted to be, and that certainly wasn't a student. As much as she loved literature she found the whole process of essay writing and academia tedious. Working in the student union was far more her cup of tea. Easy-going, laid back atmosphere with no pressure, friendly faces propping up the bar, and a lively fun-filled space where people let go, drinking and dancing their cares away.

One day, she mused, she would own her own bar or nightclub…something on a grand scale, preferably in London's Soho. A place where people could spend five hours of their lives being whatever they wanted to be, without the prejudices of society weighing them down.

A knock at the wood-panelled classroom door broke Nikki sharply from her thoughts as she looked up to see who was about to enter the room.

A short, well proportioned red head sauntered in with a slight swagger that screamed "Don't fuck with me." Instantly Nikki took a liking to her. She seemed like just her kind of person. The thought crossed her mind that she would have to find out who the woman was. But she wouldn't have to go very far. She was about to get to know Yvonne Atkins sooner than she bargained for.

"Nikki Wade?" the tutor, whose name she couldn't quite recall, shouted out her name and in surprise she stood.

"Mrs Atkins' here would like a word with you about Student Services." Nikki frowned at the statement. Bloody student services she thought to herself…the bane of my life.

Gathering her belongings together she made her way out into the corridor and followed the menacing looking student councillor into her room where she reluctantly took a seat.

"Hi, Nikki. My name's Yvonne. I don't go in for all that Mrs Atkins bollocks…makes me feel bloody old." Nikki's face curled into a friendly smile. She had been spot on in her observations of this woman after all, and her no-nonsense attitude she liked. They were going to get on just fine.

"I would like to say it's nice to meet you Yvonne, but I think you already know I'm not exactly thrilled to be here. This supposed "voluntary" councillor position I've been forced to take really isn't my thing. Christ, I'm in no position to mentor anyone, I'm as messed up as all the others." Nikki confessed, honest to a fault.

"Well, according to your tutor you need the extra credits, otherwise you're failing your last year…so, I'm afraid darlin' you don't have a choice." Yvonne drawled.

"I know," Nikki hung her head in defeat and sighed.

"Okay, so what do you want me to do? Follow some pot-head kid around and slap the joints out of his hands?" Nikki's serious expression made Yvonne buckle with laughter.

"No, not exactly, but I do have a bit of a sensitive case I think you'd be perfect for, judging by your attitude in the last five minutes." Nikki creased her brows in confusion.

"I have a girl here who needs a lot of care, but from what I hear from the friend who's put her forward for our services she's going to resist the help all the way. She's a bit of a tough cookie to crack by all accounts. You'll need to be firm with her, but at the same time she needs you to be gentle with her. The poor thing's been through a hell of time, and we're hoping with a stranger to speak to she will open up…something she's not been able to do so far." Nikki liked a good challenge when one was thrown at her, but this sounded like it was way out of her depths. By the sounds of things this girl needed a lot of time and attention, something Nikki didn't think she could give. Her time and resources were stretched to the maximum as it was.

"Listen Yvonne, I think I liked the idea of following the pot-head better…I'm really not the best person to get anyone to spill out their deepest thoughts. This girl is going to get my back up, and I have to warn you, I have a temper that makes the Kray twins look like the Teletubbies. If she really needs the softly, softly approach then you better assign someone else, I'm not known for my tact either."

Nikki watched Yvonne smile and rejoiced as the woman close over the case file on her desk. Her inward sigh of relief was short lived,

"You'd better read this quickly. Her name's Helen Stewart, and she should be here any minute. Welcome to the team, Nik."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Nikki sat mesmerized, reading the file that Yvonne had readily thrust into her hand. She had been about to protest that she would not be forced into this farce for something as meagre as a few extra points towards her degree when she had noticed the small passport sized photograph attached to the front, right hand corner of the brown folder. The girl in the picture was the same girl she had seen sitting under her window that very morning, but in the photograph there was no signs of the worry or frustrations she had seen in Helen's face as she sat alone on the bench. Instead she looked radiant, and without a care in the world. What had gone so wrong in this poor woman's life?

It didn't take Nikki long to find out the answer to her own question, having speedily digested the contents of the 32-page case file. It didn't take much detective work to figure out that Helen Stewart was the same friend of Trisha's who had been brutally assaulted in the park next to the bar where they both worked.

An instant wave of indiscernible sadness and pity washed over Nikki as she closed over the notes and handed them forlornly back to the redhead across the desk who was watching her with baited breath.

"So?" Yvonne questioned.

"Okay, I do agree, she needs a lot of TLC, and I still don't think I'm the person to give her it…" Yvonne snapped her head up ready to argue but Nikki's raised hand stopped her before she had a chance.

"But, I'll give it a shot. I don't suppose it can do much harm. But I'm serious, Yvonne, the first sign of it not working and I'm walking. I am not going to be responsible for causing her more harm. Do we have a deal?" Nikki raised her eyebrows in a serious, yet questioning manner. It was an expression that said "I mean business".

"Yeah, alright, alright, it's a deal." Yvonne shook Nikki's proffered hand reluctantly as she let out an exasperated sigh. She knew she had lost this argument, but desperately hoped the pairing of both women wouldn't lead to the outcome Nikki was secretly wishing for. Helen Stewart needed someone as headstrong as herself, and Nikki Wade was her perfect match…she would just have to personally see to it that Nikki didn't quit, deal or no deal.

A chap at the office door startled both Yvonne and Nikki, who had been staring at each other in a stubborn stand-off.

"That will be Helen now. Now Nikki, be nice. Don't dare give her the "You fuck with me and you'll be sorry" speech that you've just given me. I'm warning you, don't make this bleedin' hard for yourself."

"If she's nice to me, I'll be nice to her, that's how things work with me." Nikki drew her body up in defence, her tone as sharp as a needle. In response, Yvonne glared daggers. "Two can play the stubborn game, Nikki."

"Come in…" both Yvonne and Nikki stood as the door opened and a tall, sandy-haired guy came into view, blocking the doorway.

"Mrs Atkins, you sent me to collect Helen Stewart…"

"That's right Dominic, so where the bleedin' hell is she?" Yvonne scowled.

"I'm right here. I thought I was the one who was supposed to be blind!" The Scottish accent seemed to float to Nikki's ears on a fluffy white cloud that almost bowled her over, despite the hint of self-deprecated sarcasm that oozed from it.

Dominic shuffled away from the door, and the vision that was Helen emerged from behind. Around 5ft 3 in height, slim, but curvy build, her hair a golden brown bob that shined spectacularly under the overhead lighting, emphasising the dark blonde streaks, and eyes that sparkled like the stars. To say Nikki was awe-struck would have been an understatement.

"Helen, come in and take a pew, I've got a few things I want to talk to you about." Yvonne lifted her hand and pointed her index finger to the plastic seat next to Nikki, fully forgetting the gesture was wasted on Helen.

"It's okay, I can listen to what ever you have to say from here." Helen's lips pursed into a pout and her arms crossed firmly across her torso in a move that made Nikki smirk. This girl was just as pig-headed as herself.

"Okay, then, love, if that's the way you want it. Claire Walker has been to see me, and she thinks you would benefit from our help here at student services…" Before Yvonne could finish Helen found herself making comment.

"She did what! How dare she! I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, now if that's all Yvonne, I'll be leaving." Helen hastily turned to exit the room, forgetting where she was and felt her body slam forcefully against the door frame, and before she knew it she was hurtling towards the ground.

"Shit, are you okay?" Nikki flew from her chair and held Helen in her arms, her breasts resting against Helen's back, her hands resting on top of Helen's.

"Get off of me!" Helen struggled free from whomever she felt had grabbed hold of her from behind. A sudden image of the night she was attacked flashed through her mind like a streak of lightening, but it was too fast for her to capture it.

"Don't touch me, don't ever touch me, do you hear?" The panic Helen was feeling had rubbed off onto Nikki, who stood speechless, nodding like a dog in fear at the unexpected response she had just been given to her selfless assistance.

"Helen…" Yvonne gently placed her hands on Helen's arms and twisted her around so they were facing.

"This is exactly the reason why Claire came to ask for my help. You may think you are able to do the things the way you used to, but darlin', the harsh reality is you can't, not yet anyway. In time, and with a bit of guidance your life will get back to normal" Helen snorted at the last comment.

"Normal? What's your idea of normality, Yvonne? Because I sure as hell don't think it's the same as mine. Do you know what it feels like for me? Living my life, day in, day out in darkness, not knowing what's going on around me. I'll never see anything again. I won't be able to see what my future husband looks like or my kid's faces at Christmas as they open their presents…you don't have a clue what its like to be me, so don't even try to understand." Helen's warm tears brushed against her cheeks as she allowed Yvonne to pull her into a tight embrace.

"Shh, It's okay, no one's going to force you into anything you don't want to do. If you're really against the idea then I'll let it drop and tell Claire to stop hassling you about getting some kind of carer." Hearing what Yvonne was saying nearly sent Nikki into a spin of panic, her earlier opinions now having changed after hearing Helen's recent outburst.

"Helen?" Nikki edged closer to the girl who extracted herself from Yvonne's arms to look in her general direction with tear-stained eyes.

"My name's Nikki Wade…" She swallowed hard and begged her brain to think of something intelligent to say, which was proving harder than it seemed as Helen's darkened pupils met with her own in a look that almost made her heart break.

"And, erm, I, erm…" She could feel the sweat begin to descend down her forehead as the temperature in her body suddenly began to sore, through no other reason than sheer mortification at the stuttering wreck she was turning in to. Both Helen and Yvonne were waiting to hear what she had to say and as of yet nothing was coming to the forefront of her brain. Shuffling uncomfortably she wished the ground would open and swallow her to rid her of this embarrassing situation.

"Well, what I'm trying to say is, you'd be doing me a massive favour, Helen, if you let me help you out. Basically it all comes down to the fact I'm miserably failing my exams and need these extra credits if I have any chance of graduating this year. So please, if you don't do this for you, do it for me…." Nikki observed Helen as she stood in silence for a moment contemplating what she had just heard, her facial expression giving away no hint of what she was thinking.

The long silence was close to deafening, and Nikki and Yvonne held their breath in anticipation.

"Okay…" Helen's tone was emotionless and her jaw was set in steely determination.

"I'll do it, but only because you need the help, and you'll do well to remember that I don't."

"Great. Thank you Helen. You won't regret it." Nikki grinned like a Cheshire cat and gave Yvonne a quick, sly wink. Reverse psychology…it never failed.

Nikki checked the sports watch that curled around her right wrist for the third time in minutes, for no other reason than she was uncomfortable with the awkward silence that was echoing around the University corridors she was escorting Helen along. No one had spoken a word since they had departed Yvonne's office fifteen minutes earlier, and Nikki was desperate to break the obvious tension that was permeating the air around them.

"Shit…" Nikki let out the expletive without thinking and at once apologised. Helen's file had stated she was the daughter of a Church of Scotland Minister, giving Nikki the impression Helen Stewart would be delicate to such profanity, thanks to a strict religious upbringing. But if Helen was bothered by it she didn't make it obvious, and neither did she comment on Nikki's "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Sensing Nikki had stopped walking Helen followed suit but didn't turn around.

"I have to go Helen, I'm sorry. I work after classes to fund my studies, I hope you don't mind."

"Why should I be bothered that I don't have someone following me around all night like I'm a lost cause?"

Nikki felt her hackles rise but didn't take the bait. There would be plenty of time to put Helen Stewart in her place if she kept up this hard-nosed bitch attitude.

"Do you want to walk with me to the pub, maybe get a drink while I work? You could catch up with Trisha, I know she misses you." Nikki saw Helen flinch at her suggestion, her body tensing until it was almost rigid, like a department store mannequin.

"If you don't want to its fine by me, it was just a suggestion. I can walk you back to your dorm…"

"No need Nikki, I know the way. I've lost my sight, not my marbles." Helen barked out her reply, so sharply it made Nikki recoil.

"Well you could have bloody fooled me! Cut the act, Helen. You're not the only one who's been served an injustice in life you know. We've all had it hard in one way or another, but we choose to get on with it, not turn into a bitter, twisted bitch who keeps everyone at arms length." Nikki ended her tirade by slamming the palm of her hand against the hardwood wall by her side, making Helen jump slightly at her action…an action Nikki immediately regretted when she saw how it affected the girl.

"You have no right to speak to me that way. You have been granted no authority over me, and will not dictate to me how I should or should not behave. If I chose, as you so eloquently put it, to be a "bitter, twisted bitch" then I will do so, and if you have a problem with that I suggest you walk away right now and go fail your degree…it really is of no concern to me. Now, if you will excuse me, I have to get home and study. Something perhaps you should consider doing sometime also." And with that Helen turned the corner at the end of the hallway and disappeared, leaving Nikki with her jaw hitting the carpeted floor, once again speechless. That had not been the reaction she had been expecting at all. She had imagined her harsh words would cause Helen to break down and admit she had been wrong, that she did need help, and was sorry for the way she had been. But instead the ice queen remained. Nikki knew then that it would take more than just a few nasty comments to tear down the walls of deep despair Helen Stewart was so clearly hiding behind.

* * *

Helen cautiously made her way back to her room, keeping her body close to the outer wall to help guide her around the darkened maze of corridors that she remembered had once been brightly lit, cluttered chaotically with eccentric pieces of artwork done by fellow students. Then there was the hastily scribbled posters advertising everything from student accommodation listings to theme nights in the local pubs. But now these hallways were ominously desolate, with danger lurking in each and every sharp corner she turned.

Finding the main doors after much hassle and many threatened tears, Helen walked through, feeling the breeze slap almost painfully at her pale cheeks. The strength of the gale was enough to take her breath away, but she battled on, down the stairway and onto the gravel pathway where she stopped for a moment of contemplation.

Without thinking she closed over her eyes, and imagined how the walkway in front her once looked, with its heavy, green-leaved trees scattered strategically across acres of freshly-mowed grass, house's dotted in the distance amongst a vast expanse of networking streets.

To her left was the accommodation buildings that she shared with hundreds of others who attended the University, and to her right was the famous student union bar where she had spent many a happy night in the last three years. A bar where her friends gathered for a pre or post lecture drink, a place where she could go to drown her sorrows and lift her spirits, and a place where she now felt terrified to return to.

Nowhere felt safe these days, not after the attack, and no one could be trusted. How could she let her guard down now, not knowing if her attacker was in close proximity, watching her, ready to pounce again when the mood took him.

"If only I could remember," she berated herself for having no knowledge of that horrific night. People took great delight in telling her it was for the best, that she didn't need to know and she should move on. But she couldn't. Not until she knew who had done this to her and why. Although she understood the likelihood of ever finding out was remote she had to at least try and regain some memory, to stop the sick bastard from doing it again to some other poor girl who didn't deserve it.

Opening her eyes she felt a single tear slide down over her cheek and drip off the end of her chin onto her bare neck. It felt like acid, burning its way down her skin, like a self-pitying poison that was slowly killing her from within. No one understood the agonising pain that ached in her heart when she thought of everything that had been taken away from her. How could they when they made patronising comments about how she should be thankful she had lived through the ordeal. Would they want to live the life she was going to have to lead? No, they would have wished they had died too, and their cheery words of wisdom were not helping matters.

Up until now she had had goals, ambitions, dreams…but not any more. She couldn't let herself think of those aspirations, for they were no longer obtainable to her. Once upon a time she could have been anything she wanted, gone anywhere she wanted, seen anything she wanted. Not now. Why should she fantasise about seeing the Great Pyramid in Egypt, or the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco? Those images would be just that; pictures from storybooks, a fairytale she would never live out.

The only thing she was determined to see out was her degree. She had worked too damn hard on it in the last three years to let it sail down the Suwannee when she was so close to the achievement of passing with good grades…unlike a certain Nikki Wade, who seemed more than happy to flush her career down the toilet.

Helen sneered in contempt as the thought of the woman who had wormed her way into her life sprang into her mind.

"Let's see if I care if she fails…would bloody serve her right for speaking to me that way." the memory of Nikki's words replayed in her mind. All the cruel comments and snide remarks…each and every one of them true. She was turning into a hard-nosed bitch, but couldn't Nikki and the others see it was her way of coping? It was all a defence mechanism to keep herself from being hurt any more than she was already. If she let her vulnerability show then she would most certainly crumble away, piece by piece, until there was nothing left of Helen Stewart and all that would remain would be a ruin; the broken down remains of a woman, whose strength and determination was once enviable; destroyed.

A slight drizzle of rain distracted her from her thoughts and she decided it would be best to head on home before it became a downpour that would soak her to the skin.

Turning left to begin the arduous task of finding her way back to her apartment Helen felt a breeze hit her face that she knew wasn't caused by the roaring wind. Bile rose in her throat as she prepared to scream in fear, but the voice stopped her.

"I've been looking for you bloody everywhere! I'm late for my shift thanks to you!"

"No one asked you to follow me, Nikki! I told you I'd be fine walking back on my own." Helen scowled in the direction of the angry voice that came from a mouth that was mere inches from her own.

"Well I didn't believe you would be fine, Helen and I'm not prepared to have you injuring yourself on my conscience. So I'm not taking no for an answer. You either let me walk you back to your dorm, or you come to the pub with me…so what's it to be, Helen?"

"Fine!" Helen screamed back, her nose practically touching with Nikki's.

"I'll come to the pub, for one, then I'm going home…on my own!"

"Fine by me…" Nikki shrugged and stormed off, her long legs striding along the path leaving Helen rooted to the spot.

"Well, come on then shortarse, keep up." Nikki smiled and Helen couldn't help but return it. It had been a long time since she had felt this alive, and it was all thanks to Nikki Wade.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Helen reluctantly followed behind the footsteps she had now come to recognise as Nikki's as they made there was across the campus and towards the cosy little bar which sat on its own beside the main building.

"Here, let me help you…" Nikki turned and reached across to rest her hand on Helen's elbow, which was quickly retracted. Nikki rolled her eyes and scowled at the behaviour of the girl who was determined to make her life a misery.

"No need, Nikki." Helen went to carry on walking but felt a hand against her chest stopping her.

"There was every need. You were about to walk into the wall. Now if you'll just let me guide you in the right direction…" Nikki watched as Helen stubbornly walked around her and through the pubs main entrance like she had full sight and could see where she was going.

"That bloody woman!" She hissed under her breath in a tone that was anger mixed with amusement. Helen Stewart was a feisty one, there was no mistaking it. With that fiery Scottish temper and obstinate nature she was sure to get herself into trouble, and Nikki knew for certain she would be first to be on the receiving end of it. Her head was telling her to march straight back to Yvonne's office and tell her where to stick Helen Stewart, but her heart was pulling her in an all together different direction.

Barging into the bar like a bear with a sore head and ready to do battle Nikki noticed Helen was propped up on a barstool waiting patiently to be served. Her denim jacket hugged snugly into each curve of her body, her pale, delicate hands resting gently on the wooden bar, her fingers nervously tapping rhythmically. From where Nikki was standing she could see the distinct starting of a frown crease along Helen's forehead, but what was causing it she was unsure of.

Helen felt a set of eyes boring into her from the right, but who the belonged to she didn't know. Wrapping her arms tightly around her mid-section in an act of protection she looked around.

Nikki almost let out a gasp when Helen's eyes met with her own, a look of sadness and fear in the glazed over green orbs. Immediately she let her fists relax. Helen had won this fight. There was no way Nikki could allow herself to shout at her now.

"So, no one serving you then?" Nikki smiled and threw her jacket over the back of Helen's seat as the blonde woman shook her head.

"Well, Nikki Wade at you service Ma'am, what would the lady like to drink?" Lifting an empty glass from the shelf she awaited an answer, ignoring the other patrons baying for her attention.

"Erm, I'll just have a coke." Helen tucked a strand of hair nervously behind her ear and looked away. She could feel Nikki's stare burn into her skin and it unnerved her to a point where her stomach lurched in the most unexpected way.

"One Coca Cola coming up, for the pretty lady with the most gorgeous smile." Nikki flipped the can of coke in her hand as she grabbed it from the fridge at her legs.

"How would you know I had a nice smile," Helen questioned rather haughtily. Nikki Wade was patronising her.

"You smiled at me earlier, remember?" Nikki poured the brown liquid into a cocktail glass that she had rimmed in sugar and popped in a little yellow umbrella to top it off.

"That wasn't a smile, Nikki, that was a scowl. If I ever do chose to smile at you you'll see the difference." Nikki slammed the glass down onto the bar and grabbed the five pound note from Helen's hand before turning to the till where she took her frustrations out on the buttons. It didn't matter how hard she tried Helen just kept throwing back snide remarks in return. Well, if that was the way she wanted to play it then so be it.

"£4.20 change!" The coins where slammed in front of Helen in the same manner as the glass, making Helen flinch momentarily.

"Nikki…"

"Don't bloody bother, I've heard enough from you for one day. I have other customers to serve; customers that won't treat me like a lump of shit when I'm nice to them." Helen hung her head in shame as she heard Nikki off at the far end of the bar talking to a guy who's voice she didn't recognise.

"What's eating her?" The guy looked at Nikki and nodded his head towards Helen.

"Good question, Andy, I wish I knew. Seems like I've managed to piss her off."

"Are you friends?" The tall dark haired man hardly had time to finish his question when Nikki answered with a snort.

"Friends? That's a joke. She wouldn't know the meaning of the word."

"But I'm not wrong when I say you're interested in her, am I?" Nikki raised her eyebrow.

"Come on Wade, I know you, she's gorgeous and you're trying to tell me you haven't thought about trying it on with her?"

"Not in a million years. I wouldn't go near her even if she begged me. She's damaged goods, and I've already got someone, so…" Nikki prayed she wouldn't blush or give herself away. Andy was right. Helen Stewart was gorgeous, and for all her fault's there was something about her that made Nikki want to scoop her into her arms and protect her from the world.

"I didn't know that, you dark horse, who is she?" Andy sat up in his chair, suddenly interested in the piece of gossip he was about to receive.

"Well, it's nothing serious yet, just some flirting, but Trisha and I are getting on pretty well, and she's made it obvious she likes me. So, even although it's early days I think it could be the start of something." Nikki tried to smile but it didn't quite reach her eyes to be convincing. Yes, Trisha had made a pass at her, and yes she was everything she could want in a woman…but still, she didn't stir the same feelings inside her that Helen managed to after just a few hours of meeting.

Turning her head to look at the object of her desire she sighed. The stool was empty and Helen was gone.

* * *

Helen stood outside the student union and clutched her chest to try and ease the pain she felt in her heart. Nikki's words had cut her to the core. She had heard every word she said but there was two that hurt her more than the others.

"damaged goods…" Even Nikki, the one person who Helen truly thought might get her through everything she couldn't cope with on her own had passed judgement on her, and in the cruellest possible way.

"I wouldn't go near her even if she begged…" the harsh words reverberated over and over until she couldn't take it any more and she threw her hands over her ears, sobs racking her body as she slid down the wall.

The barriers she had been ready to tear down for Nikki where back up and that was exactly where they were staying.

Nikki kept her eyes on the empty bar stool with a deep feeling of remorse and guilt descending upon her. Her cheeks flushed red with the embarrassment of possibly being caught out in her verbal tirade against the woman she was meant to be taking care of. Had Helen heard what she had said? She had hardly been whispering to Andy. in fact she realised she had been rather vocal in her vicious and somewhat uncalled for bashing, caused by anger that had now dissipated.

A hand on her shoulder broke her free from her thoughts.

"You look like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders. Want to talk about it?" Nikki shook her head.

"I'm fine Trisha, really. I'm just a bloody fool, who has a classic, and seemingly permanent case of foot-in-mouth disease."

"Ah, I see. Well why don't you try and fix whatever it is you've said to the person who was obviously sitting in that chair you've been staring at for the last ten minutes."

"Because I don't think she will understand."

"She?" Trisha raised her eyebrows and slumped; deflated. A sight Nikki didn't fail to notice.

"Listen, Trish, it's not…"

"No need to explain, Nik. It's not as if you and I are an item. We almost shared a drunken kiss last week, it doesn't make us the couple of the century. I won't deny I like you, Nikki…but I know those feelings aren't reciprocated. All I can say is, whoever she is, she's a very lucky woman." It was Nikki's turn to crumple.

"What? Why the long face? You should be smiling and running off after her."

"I wish it was that simple. For a start I'm sure she's straight, and wouldn't look twice at me in that way. Then there's the fact I've only known her, what, the best part of six hours and to top it all of, all we have done in that time is argue, fight and cause each other pain. Hardly the makings of a lasting friendship. Oh, and I forgot to add that I may just have indirectly told her she was damaged goods." Trisha sighed in defeat. The speech she had prepared in her head about how in time things would settle, and she should turn the negatives into positives, had been forgotten and she had to agree with her friend that it didn't sound like a marriage made heaven.

"I still think you should go talk to her. Apologise. Make her see you didn't mean what you said. I can see in your eyes how sorry you are, and she will be able to see it too." Nikki laughed mirthlessly at the last comment.

"That's the problem Trish. She won't be able to see…" Trisha furrowed her brow in confusion.

"It's Helen, Trisha…"

"Helen! Where the hell have you been!" Claire ran towards the front door of her dorm as she heard it creak open and pulled her friend into a hug that was not reciprocated.

"I've been at classes. Where else would I be?" Claire pulled away, but still held onto Helen's arms, which had remained at her sides.

"You've been crying. Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Just leave it Claire, it's nothing. Goodnight." Making her way to her room Helen felt more tears moisten her eyes but she held then back with stark composure. But every time she thought about Nikki Wade her resolve began to slip. Less than six hours from making her acquaintance and this woman had gotten under her skin.

Sitting down on her double bed Helen lifted the receiver of the telephone that sat on her bedside table and dialled 123, the talking clock, before holding it to her ear.

"The time sponsored by Accurist will be 8:47pm and 10 seconds." With a sigh she replaced the phone back in its holder and threw herself back onto the mattress.

It was hours before bedtime and there was nothing to do. Normally she would have been reading one of her vast collection of books, or out in the lounge with Claire and a few other friends, chatting and laughing about the most trivial of things. But ever since her attack she felt that close bond between herself and the others slowly slip away into an abyss of misunderstandings and pain. They couldn't relate to how she was feeling, no matter how hard they seemed to try. All they could offer was sympathy and concern; the two things she didn't want. Instead she wanted the fun back in her life; along with her Independence, freedom and pride. Three things she had once cherished but no longer seemed to have.

With Nikki it somehow seemed different. It didn't feel like Nikki's help was out of pity or sympathy. Instead it felt like compassion, mixed with something deeper she couldn't quite put her finger on. So why, she asked herself, do I keep fighting her like she's the enemy. Nikki didn't cause her to lose her sight. None of her friends had, either and they didn't deserve to be shut out or torn to shreds at every given opportunity. Yet she could not help herself. Her anger was far too potent to put a lid on it.

Perhaps Nikki had been justified in what she had said at the bar. Helen had hardly made her life easy since they had been forced together; far from it. She knew deep down, although it still hurt, that sometimes people said things in the heat of the moment that they didn't really mean. This last month she had been guilty of the same offence, in thought and in deed.

It was time to start making amends before she lost everyone she cared dearly for.

Helen lay on top of her bed, fully clothed and dozing peacefully in and out of consciousness. The whisper of the gentle breeze wafting in through the open window mirrored Helen's rhythmic breathing. The sun was still lingering on the horizon and flocks of birds chirped contentedly as they soared through the humid night air that was slowly beginning to darken.

The clock tower's bell chimed nine times in the far off distance, alerting passers-by of the time with its voluble ringing. If it had disturbed Helen she didn't acknowledge it. She didn't stir. Instead she remained still, laying on her back, her weary eyes closed and unmoving. For the first time in weeks she had found herself in a calm slumber, where all trials and tribulations were forgotten.

Sleep never came easy these days; not since the night she had woken up in a hospital bed to learn that her life had changed forever. Memories surrounding the incident dominated every waking thought she had, causing her to toss and turn into the wee hours of the morning until her body, spent and exhausted took over and pushed her reluctantly into a dream world. A reverie where terrifying nightmares consumed her. Black, faceless ghosts, clawing at her skin; hands that she could not escape grabbing at her lifeless limbs. The grounds surface rough against her back, tearing strips of skin away from bone as she felt herself dragged along the gravel pathway by a figure she could not see. The unrepentant laughter, the smell of aftershave mixed with freshly mowed grass and dry soil, the eerie silences as she fought to move and couldn't…round and round, over and over, until she would jump in fear, her heart beating rapidly in her chest as her lungs struggled to digest air, her breathing erratic and her nightclothes soaked in perspiration. Shadows lurked in ever corner of the room, taunting and teasing her into tears, as she curled into a protective ball, where no one could hurt her any more.

Living in a world that was constantly dark never allowed her a break from her fears. The memories that she could only see in the night carried through into her days. They were so vivid, so real. But were they? She had no recollection of what had happened to her, other than what details her friends had divulged…a lot of which she knew had been omitted to spare her heartache. So why could she see the attack? Was her mind playing tricks? Were these images nothing more than a figment of her imagination? Or had she been awake during it after all, despite the Doctors protestations that she had more than likely been struck unconscious within seconds?

A light rapping sound, that seemed to go on forever began to rouse her back to reality. She could sense someone was in the room with her and immediately she jumped from the bed and stood on full alert.

"It's fine, Helen, it's only me." Claire walked closer to where Helen stood and stopped.

"Bloody hell Claire. Couldn't you see I was sleeping!" Helen ran her hand through her hair in exasperation, feeling a slight tinge of remorse as she heard Claire sigh in defeat.

"I did see you weren't awake, but I needed to speak to you, and I needed to do it now."

"What's so urgent it can't wait until the morning?" Claire's statement had gotten Helen's attention, and had her slightly worried.

"I don't know how to say this Helen…." Claire fidgeted on her feet, avoiding the oppressive stare that Helen was unconsciously giving her.

"Has someone been hurt?"

"In a way, yes, but not like you think. Helen, I can't go on like this any more. You've been pushing me away since you left the hospital, and quite frankly I can't take this sudden attitude problem of yours any longer. Every day you pick a fight with me over nothing and everything…I'm your emotional punch bag. Nothing I do or say any more is right, in fact it seems to set you off into a rage, that I have no more energy to cope with. I'm sorry Helen, but what I'm trying to say is I'm leaving; I'm moving in with Caroline tonight." Claire watched Helen's face for a reaction, fully prepared for a full blown argument but all she saw were tears running the length of her friends cheeks.

"You can't move out Claire. You're my best friend. We've shared this apartment for three years, you can't leave me now." Helen stopped short of telling Claire she needed her, now more than ever.

"I have to, for both our sakes. Because, Helen, if I keep living here I can't see us staying best friends for much longer. Caroline asked me to live with her weeks ago, but I told her no because I felt like I had a duty to look after you. But since you keep telling me you don't want, or need any help, then, well, I guess I'm no longer required here."

"I may not want mollycoddled, but that doesn't mean I want you to leave. I still need you in other ways, I need my friend!" Helen's sobbing had become uncontrollable, but Claire remained poised and calm, knowing if she had to break down she would back down to Helen's pleading.

"I'll still be your friend, I just won't be here, getting in your way." Claire knew she was sounding harsh, but it was the only way.

"Fine. Piss off to you're girlfriend. You're right, you are getting in my way…you're like a bad smell that seems to linger! I've coped on my own so far, and I will continue to do so. Now, if you don't mind, I have sleep to catch up on, and you must have packing to do!" Helen turned her back and stood rigid until she heard her bedroom slam and reverberate with force. Her body slid to the ground in one fluid motion.

It was finally happening. People were one by one turning there back on her. Today it was Claire; who would be tomorrow? Nikki? No, she shook her head. Nikki had been brought to her for a reason. She had never taken much heed of her Father's religious sermons, nor did she believe any of it. But something about Nikki Wade felt like fate. She was her one saving grace, and she had to hold onto her for as long as she could.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

It had been almost a week since Claire had packed all her belongings away and moved them across campus to her girlfriend, Caroline's apartment, leaving Helen to fend for herself. It had also been a week since she had last been in the company of Nikki Wade. Although it was student services policy for the "counsellor" to visit on a regular basis of at least three times a week, Nikki had not shown her face, or made any effort to get in contact. Helen surmised that like Claire, Nikki too had had enough of her mood swings and could not bear to be around her any longer…extra credits or not.

So here she was. Living alone in an apartment that she could not see, other than from memory, and therefore could not possibly handle the day to day chores that was required of her to keep the two bedroomed flat in a state of cleanliness.

As she walked from room to room, fumbling around various pieces of furniture in search of her discarded jacket, she felt a number of unknown items brush against her bare feet. Items that had been dropped and not picked up, through her sheer lack of enthusiasm. Normally she would have scolded someone for such disrespect of tidiness, but now she couldn't care less if the rubbish grew legs and walked to the bin of their own accord. Her logic was she couldn't see the mess, no one else bothered to visit, so why keep the place neat? Even the smell had begun to seem less pungent now as she got used to its distinct sour aroma.

Finding her coat draped across the window ledge she reached into the pocket and pulled out her mobile telephone to put it back on charge. Not that she expected anyone to call, but in case of emergency she liked to have it with her at all times. Without sight it still wasn't too hard to figure out someone's number and dial. But text messages were a different story. Her friends absent-mindedness had amused her in the first few weeks after she was released from St. Mary's, as they continued to send her messages which she was not able to read. But after a while the beeping alert had started to depress her. It only served to remind her of what she was missing out on…how her life had changed whilst everyone else's had remained the same.

Sitting down on the sofa she stared blankly at where she remembered the Television used to sit in the corner by the window, tucked away.

Many nights she had lay sprawled across the couch, watching movies, eating junk food and guzzling cheap booze from the local off license, but now she couldn't even find the remote control to turn it on. So instead she sat in silence, listening to the footsteps walking along the corridor outside, each set passing by her door, never stopping. Until now.

A chap at the door momentarily startled her, and she remained seated. Whoever it was would soon realise they had made a mistake and move on to the correct apartment without further disturbance. Or so she thought. As the door was rattled again a fear began to build in her. A dread deep in the pit of her stomach that she didn't understand, or know how to get rid of.

She didn't want to see anyone, or have anyone one see her for that matter. It had been days since she had ventured out of the house, and even then it was only to go to the shop to buy a loaf of bread. Toast was all she seemed to eat these days. After many burns from the cookers hob she had given up on eating anything that required full sight or effort.

"Helen! I know you're in there! Now open up the bloody door before I knock it down!"

"Go away" she pleaded silently. But whomever was on the other side of her front door was not giving up.

Defeated she took a deep breath and walked unsteadily towards the door. Her hand rested on the handle for a second before she turned the lock and pulled it open.

"Nikki" Helens voice was monotone and completely void of emotion.

"What took you so long to answer? I was really beginning to worry about you!"

"If you were really that worried about me you would have showed up last week like you were supposed to. Too busy with your new girlfriend I suppose, like most people seem to be these days."

"What? You've totally lost me Helen. I don't have a girlfriend, and how do you even know I'm a lesbian? I could be the campus slut for all you know!" Nikki was grinning wildly from ear to ear, although she didn't make it obvious in her voice. Verbal sparring with Helen could have its fun elements.

"I hate to inform you of the obvious, but you can still be a lesbian and a slut…so that comment really serves no purpose. Now, was there something you wanted, Nikki? Or did you just come here to bug me?" It wasn't only Nikki that was enjoying this light-hearted confrontation. Helen found the darkness behind her eyes was now replaced by a shining light; a bright light that signified hope and took away the black, muggy feelings of despair that strangled the life out of her soul.

"Yes, actually, I do have good reason to be here, a few in fact. I wanted to apologise for my behaviour in the pub the other day, it was uncalled for and completely against my nature."

"You mean it's against your nature to snap back at me when I'm being a bitch?"

"No, it's against my nature to pass judgement about people I don't know and discuss them when they are in hearing distance." Nikki's face turned crimson as she recalled her exact words that day.

"Well, you can forget about it, because I didn't hear whatever you supposedly said." She lied to save Nikki the agony she was clearly in. "So why else are you here?" Helen knew better than to open a can of worms that could set their friendship back even further than it was. She wanted a clean slate, and if that meant letting Nikki away with her harsh comments then so be it. She had to energy left to do battle.

"You didn't? Well, okay then…erm, why I'm here? Ah, yes…I have a present for you. I was in the library this afternoon and I remembered seeing from your file that you were a keen reader, and it gave me an idea." Helen was speechless. A sign Nikki took as indifference but that couldn't have been further from the truth.

"Can I come in and show you what it is?"

"I don't think that would be a good idea. The place is a tip, Nikki." Now it was Helen's turn to blush. She couldn't see for herself what state the place was in, but she knew it resembled a teenage boys bedroom.

"Helen, I'm a lazy-arsed student, who spends all day in classes and all night working. You think my apartment is a palace? I don't have time to breath let alone clean. So let me in. I told you…I'm not a person to pass judgement." Helen moved away from the doorway in reluctance to let Nikki enter. The second she did the acrid smell hit her like a tonne of bricks. Rotting food mixed with an aroma she couldn't place, but was certain it was mould.

"Christ, Helen, what have you been doing to yourself" Nikki thought to herself as she surveyed her surroundings. Plates scattered over tables, damp towels dotted across the carpet, clothes, CD's, cans of soda…all in places they didn't belong.

"So is it you or your room mate that's a messy bugger?" She tried to lighten the sudden oppressive atmosphere that had engulfed them.

"I don't have a room mate, not any more. Claire left this week." Helen stopped, not wanting to divulge any more information than was necessary. Nikki could see the smaller woman's discomfort and didn't press her for more information.

"Let me help you clear this mess up then."

"No, its fine. I've just been a little lax lately. I'll do some cleaning tomorrow." Not convinced, Nikki ignored her and began to pick up plates and empty wrappers as she went along.

"Where's your bin bags?" Nikki didn't wait for an answer. She rummaged around under the sink until she found all that she needed.

Within thirty minutes the flat was starting to look like it should have been, and with the windows open and a little air-freshener the smell was beginning dissipate.

"There you go, almost as good as new," Nikki dropped the last of the dishes from the sink into the cupboard and dried her hands.

"Thank you." it took a lot for Helen to say the words, but they came straight from her heart.

"Don't mention it. Now what's say I give you your pressie and then I go and get us some takeaway and we can put on some music and get to know each other a bit better." Helen pondered the suggestion for some time, even although she instantly knew her answer.

"I'd like that a lot. But only if I can pay."

"I'm glad you said that, cause I'm flat broke." the two women burst into laughter and Nikki didn't think she had ever heard a sweeter sound. Helen Stewart sounding happy was like beautiful music to her ears.

With the empty silver cartons from their takeaway discarded in the bin Nikki walked back to the couch and retook her seat next to a patiently waiting Helen.

She took a sip of her wine and without words observed Helen in intricate detail. She was mesmerized by the beauty she saw before her. Without make-up, perfectly styled hair or immaculate clothing, Helen Stewart still managed to leave her awestruck.

"So, you liked your present then?" Nikki stared into the most beautiful green eyes she had ever seen, despite their emptiness.

"Nikki, it was the most thoughtful gift anyone has every bought me, I don't know how to thank you." Helen felt her eyes well up and her heart swell as she remembered the pack of audio books that Nikki had obviously had wrapped in some fancy shiny paper, complete with bows. She could imagine the glittering shimmer of colours creating spectrum's under the overhead lighting as she tore apprehensively at the wrapping with the help of her friend.

"The Classics on CD…I thought you would enjoy listening to some stories read by an actual professional as opposed to having to endure me babbling on like a monotonous idiot as I tackle "Jane Eyre". Helen giggled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear; a sudden bout of nerves washing over her. The comment made her think of Nikki's voice; husky and deep with a refined English accent that seemed to roll with ease off her tongue. Her stomach flipped involuntary as images floated fleetingly in her mind. She had no idea what Nikki looked like. All she had was a self-created mental picture of a woman who had no face.

"Nikki, describe yourself to me." Helen edged herself along the sofa and tucked her legs beneath herself, her knees nudging lightly against Nikki's left thigh as the space between them closed.

"Average height, average build, okay looking, I suppose. Not much else to say really." Nikki shrugged, feeling almost self-conscious.

"Nikki, please. Don't be modest, or shy. It's the one thing I miss about not being able to see…" Helen bowed her head as she hesitantly started to open up.

"I always took for granted the sights around me. I never took in the finer details of life which now I wish I could visualise. When I speak to people I know, then it's fine, I can picture them. But with strangers I have a huge void, a blank canvas that I need to paint myself. I can tell you are taller than me, because I can feel your breath wafting over me when you stand beside me and talk, and I know how you sound and smell…but the rest, you have to help me with." Nikki felt touched as she saw tears glisten in Helens eyes. She had never thought about not being able to see before, and for a split second she put herself in Helens place and the thought frightened her. Modesty suddenly didn't matter any more.

"Okay. Well, like you said, I am tall. I am about 5'10. I have short, black hair, which I style. Brown eyes and when I get out in the sun enough I guess you could say I had a sallow complexion. As for my build, I'd say I was athletic, maybe slightly curvy, in all the right places I hope." Helen laughed, a deep giggle from the pit of her stomach and nodded with a smile Nikki could not read.

"And I really think that is it. No distinguishing marks or scars, no tattoos or piercings. Just my ears."

"Nikki, can I touch you?" The whisper from Helens mouth sent shivers down Nikki's spine. She knew there was nothing sexual intended, but how she wished there was. She didn't know if she could cope with just platonic touching, but since the moment she had clapped eyes on Helen she knew she would never be able to refuse her a thing.

"Sure," The one word quivered on her lips. The anticipation of the small, soft hands working their was towards her face was too much. Her heart and her core throbbed in rhythmic time with each other, the blood rushing to both as skin made contact with skin.

Helen's hand seemed to glide over her face with ease, from her forehead, to her cheeks. A thumb gently brushed her nose, down to her lips, reaching from corner to corner, tracing the voluptuous shape with a delicacy that made Nikki tingle.

She watched in sheer fascination as the hands lowered, fingers brushing along her jaw line until they met in the middle at her chin and slid down her neck, onto her collarbones and down the middle of her chest to where her tight, black, V-neck top blocked the passage of movement.

She clamped her eyes shut, praying for the teasing to stop, and at the same time wishing for it to never end. She wanted Helen's hands to carry on; down to her breasts, which begged to be cupped by those dainty fingers.

"You're beautiful" the deep compassion from the simple statement shook Nikki from her lust-filled reverie.

"So are you, and not just on the outside." the tears that had glistened in Helen's eyes now flowed freely down her cream coloured cheeks. Her head shook, refuting Nikki's words. Maybe once she had been, but now she was tainted with an ugliness she couldn't shake.

"Yes you are. Last week I may not have thought the same thing, but tonight has proved to me what a beautiful, special person you really are Helen. That tough exterior, I know it's not really you, and so do you. Talk to me, let me in…drop those barriers you're hiding behind." Nikki squeezed her hands in reassurance and pulled her into a tight embrace that Helen returned with as much strength and need. Her arms wrapped in a python-like grip around Nikki's waist and in that instant she knew she could never let go.

"It's too difficult, Nikki. I don't know if I'm ready to let go…I'm so scared. I've lost everyone that matters to me, don't let me lose you too."

"It's okay, Helen, I'm not going anywhere. You take all the time you need, and when you feel the time is right to talk then I'm going to be there for you, alright?" Nikki felt Helen's head nod against her wet shoulder.

"Thank you, Nikki…for this...for everything."

"Don't thank me, Helen, just promise me one thing. Promise me you will allow me to help you, no matter what pride you may feel."

"Only if you promise me something, too?" Helen wiped her eyes and sat up, breaking the hug, of which both felt the loss.

"And what's that?" Nikki questioned.

"Promise me you will move in to Claire's old room and take care of me until I can learn to take care of myself." Nikki felt her heart swell in admiration and love. Helen was, in her own small way, letting her in behind the wall of fear that she had tucked herself behind. It was a small gesture but a massive step towards getting the old Helen back where she belonged.

"You have yourself a deal, roomie." She beamed. "Now lead the way to my new bedroom."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

It had been three long weeks since, Helen, with dignified grace had let go of her pride and made a promise to Nikki, to allow her to help out whenever ever she felt things were getting too much for her, and she had stuck to her word…or so Nikki thought. But thinking back over the last 21 days, Nikki slowly came to the realization that all was not as it seemed.

It had all started out okay. Nikki had moved into the spare room which had been vacated by Claire and things had seemingly gone without problem. Both women were getting on like a house on fire; a firm bond pulling the two into a friendship that they cherished. There had been a few minor differences which had been temporally pushed aside. However, for Nikki it was getting harder as each day passed to stay on neutral ground. She was falling head over heels in love, and there was nothing she could do about it. She had not expected to fall so deeply in love with anyone, and least of all Helen, with whom she had had some rather heated arguments in the beginning of their acquaintance.

Helen may not have had boyfriends banging down the door, but Nikki knew she was straight from harmless comments that had been made by Helen. But those innocent words were hurting Nikki in a way Helen could not see. She never saw the frowns on Nikki's forehead and the dark shadows of pain as an ex-boyfriend was mentioned. Nor did she see how Nikki involuntarily flinched and withdrew during their nights snuggled together on the couch watching a DVD, when Helen mentioned in passing that she missed being able to ogle her favourite gorgeous actors. It pained her beyond words, and made her feel slightly off balance. She could not understand how Helen was able to stir those feelings in her. Nikki was unsettled by the fact that someone could touch her heart and soul so deeply in such a short space of time.

So, it had sadly come to the stage where she felt like she had no choice but to resign herself to the fact Helen was nothing more than a friend, and that was all she could ever be to Nikki. That thought was reaffirmed when a blast from Helen's past showed up and wormed his way into their lives and claimed Helen's affections and attentions.

**Three weeks previous: Moving day.**

"Helen, come on, open the bloody door…" Nikki felt the sweat drip into her eyes causing them to sting as she stood outside of Helen's apartment, fighting with a particularly heavy box that was fit to burst with a multitude of weighty hardback books.

"Sorry, I was in the bathroom," Helen heard Nikki groan with both relief and pain as she dropped the box onto the floor with an almighty thud. Rubbing her own back, Nikki straightened and wiped her brow.

"This moving lark is a pain in the arse!" Thoroughly pissed off, Nikki plonked herself down on a chair for a short lived, but well earned rest.

"Sorry," Helen uttered sincerely.

"Hey, what you sorry for." Nikki lit up a cigarette without asking for permission and lifted an old, empty can of Coke from the table as a makeshift ashtray.

"Well, it was my bright idea for you to move in here in the first place. And I can't lend a hand, can I?" Helen started to move towards the sofa but suddenly felt her feet connect with something on the floor. Before she knew it her knees had come crashing down on top of the box that Nikki had hastily discarded from her arms.

"Shit, are you okay?" Nikki was out of her chair in seconds and was helping Helen to her feet. She then guided her to the safety of where she had been sitting, picking up the discarded cigarette on the way.

"Yeah, it's my own fault. I should really watch where I'm going." Helen laughed immediately at the absurdity of her statement. She wasn't trying to be sarcastic, but somehow it sounded that way. She sounded just like the Helen Stewart that Nikki expected to be greeted with, and Nikki wondered how much of that bitterness was unconsciously meant.

"Well, it seems like I should be the one apologising now. I'll get this lot cleared away into my room and out of harms way. I don't think it would look very good on my police statement if I killed you on my first day living with you." This time both laughed heartily and Nikki tenderly stroked Helen's slightly grazed knees with a gentle, loving touch.

"You plan to wait a few weeks, eh?" Helen countered. She hadn't meant to seem so flirtatious, but Nikki's fingers dancing along her skin was causing feelings in her that she hadn't experienced in a long time, and it was giving her a confidence she wasn't aware that she had ever had.

"I could, but it all depends on how well behaved you are. I could do it sooner if you don't comply with all my demands." Nikki raised her eyebrows, her face a picture of seriousness which at any second could have disappeared as she fought not to laugh. She was relishing every moment of this rare opportunity to see Helen out of her self-built cocoon, and at the same time she enjoyed being able to look mischievous without being caught out.

"Oh, and what demands would those be?" In mock-seriousness Helen crossed her arms over her chest and tried to look as stern as possible.

"That, Miss Stewart, is for me to know, and for you to find out." Quickly standing up and breaking contact, Nikki walked away. This game, which had started off as harmless fun wasn't so entertaining for her any more. Seeing Helen's tongue poke out from behind her teeth as her lips curled into a smile sent shivers down her spine, and caused rather inappropriate thoughts that soon led to all consuming guilt. She shouldn't have been thinking about her friend in this way, and like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on her she sprang up. If she didn't walk away now then she knew she would forever live to regret the kiss she had almost planted on Helen's soft, inviting lips.

Nikki wasn't the only one feeling disillusioned and a bit confused. Helen felt her heart sink at the loss of physical contact , however brief it had been. The smile quickly fell from her face and a deep frown replaced it. What had just happened between them? Why did she suddenly feel so exposed, and what was it about Nikki Wade that made her feel so naked? She had never felt that way before with anyone. It was unsettling and made her even more uncertain of herself, yet this new confidence bubbled away inside her, spreading like a warm fire in her stomach. It made her feel good and suddenly she was more ready to face the outside world again.

"Right, come on, get yourself showered and dressed. I'm going to put this stuff away and by the time I'm done I want you ready and waiting." She said, before almost stumbling over her words and hastily adding "You're taking me for lunch at the pub." Nikki may have sounded confident, but that couldn't have been further from the truth. Her body was quivering with emotions that she was desperately trying to shake off and forget for good. So she kept her eyes averted from Helen as much as she could. Even if she knew Helen could not see her facial expression, which she was grateful for, as it would have been a sure give away. The sight of the short, blonde woman in a pair of skimpy pyjamas was doing nothing to help her rampant feelings and if this was what she would be greeted with every morning for the next year then she didn't know how she could survive.

"At this rate I'm never going to need hormone replacement therapy," She mused to herself as she heard the shower begin to run and wanton images of an undressed Helen under the running water flashed involuntarily through her mind. Dumping another box on her bed she joined it, putting her head in her hands with a sigh of discontent.

This was going to be absolute torture.

* * *

Arriving at the student-filled bar less than an hour later Helen was ready for food, and Nikki was ready for a huge bevy-load of alcohol to try and kill each and every emotion that was currently clouding her better judgements. The walk to the union had been made in silence, but neither felt uncomfortable like they had done on previous occasions. Instead there seemed to be a peacefulness through the unspoken words that passed between them.

"Helen! Nikki!" Trisha, upon spotting her two friends walk into the pub dropped everything and bounced over, flinging her arms around Helen, almost knocking her over with her over-zealousness.

"Trish, it's good to "see" you, too." Helen giggled and pulled away from the tight embrace. The last time she had seen Trisha had been at the hospital. Guiltily she remembered how she had turned her back on Dominic and Trisha and refused to speak to them, despite the fact they remained by her side the entire evening and returned each day until she was released. After that the only person she saw for any great length of time had been Claire.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around, but…" Trisha was about to rhyme off a number of excuses when Helen stopped her in her tracks.

"Don't worry about it. I wasn't exactly at my friendliest the last time we spoke, so I can hardly blame you for not wanting to be in my company." Helen's smile was sad.

"Lets just start a fresh. There's no hard feelings on my part." Helen offered.

"Sure. I'd like that. Now what can I get you both?"

"Well, lets start with some food and then we can get to the booze." Nikki grinned mischievously, but it wasn't long before Trish wiped the smirk from her face.

"Helen can have as much booze as she likes, but you, lady, are working in an hour!"

"Eh! No, I'm not, I have the day off…we agreed yesterday I could swap my shift as I was moving apartments."

"I'm sorry, babe, but Shell called in sick with a stomach bug, which I'm sure roughly translates into meaning she has a hangover. I did try to call you earlier, but you must have been on your way here." the bell rang at the bar and Trisha hurried off to serve the impatient customer who was clearly desperate for her attention.

"Shit!" Nikki pulled out a seat and threw herself moodily into it. She had been looking forward to spending the entire day with Helen; eating, drinking and generally being merry.

"It's fine, Nikki. There will be plenty more opportunities for us to get pissed…I'm Scottish remember. We take our drinking seriously." One smile from Helen was all it took for Nikki to forget why she was in a bad mood in the first place. Those teeth could have brightened up a darkened room, and an even darker heart.

"I know, it's just I promised you a day of fun, and I don't like going back on my word. Today was supposed to be…never mind, you're right." Nikki stopped herself from saying the word special, for she knew today was only special to her, not Helen.

Trish came rushing back, pulling Nikki out of her musings and shoved a kitchen towel in her hand.

"Now, come on…. Stop daydreaming and get your pretty bum behind that bar."

Nikki shook her head in exasperation and rolled her eyes, but said nothing more. She walked around the bar and started to stack the glasses and make the bar equipment ready for easy access. She did it automatically as it had become second nature to her over the months. Without much thinking things were laid out on the table behind the counter.

Helen had walked up to the bar, where she had seated herself with some difficulties on one of the bar chairs.

"Can I get some service here?" she said in a teasing tone.

"What does the fair lady want?" came the fast reply from Nikki, who had noticed Helen approaching out of the corner of her eye.

"I would like a big greasy burger and chips, please and an even bigger pint of beer to wash it down with." Helen said and laughed. She hadn't felt this good in a long time and all credit had to go to Nikki, for her persistence and undeniable charm.

"Coming right up," Nikki beamed as she put the order into the kitchen. However, she didn't notice Trisha watching her intently from the other side of the bar. A look of jealousy on her face as she watched the two friends interact lovingly. She knew Helen was the woman of Nikki's dreams, Nikki had told her as much on several occasions. But it didn't stop her wishing it was herself that had Nikki's attentions.

The afternoon quickly turned into evening and the bar that had been quite quiet was now almost filled to capacity. Trisha had done a good job in the last few months, turning the small, normally deserted bar into the place where every student wanted to frequent in their spare time.

Nikki felt rushed off her feet as she battled to please the dominant heaving crowds that had assembled in front of her. Every once in a while she would get a fleeting chance to look over to Helen, who now was seated at a table over by a pillar in the corner of the room. Until the last hour she had been able to pop over occasionally to make sure Helen was okay, but after Trisha snapped and told her she needed her more than Helen did it had been difficult to leave the bar.

As she turned her back to the optics with a double vodka in her hand she noticed Helen was no longer alone. A dark-haired guy was sitting next to her, laughing and touching Helen's arm; a little more than Nikki deemed necessary.

"Hey, Trish…come here a second."

"Yeah, babes?" Nikki cringed as she heard the term of endearment but let it slide. She had bigger things on her mind right now.

"See that guy there, with Helen?" She nodded over to where she was looking.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Do you know who he is?" Nikki tried to sound like she was just curious, but even she could hear the jealousy seep from her own mouth.

"Hmm…if I remember rightly he's the guy Helen had a fling with while she was on holiday a few months ago, over summer the break. Thomas something-or-other…nice guy from what I hear, and I know Helen was totally smitten with him. He was all she spoke about when she came home." Trisha knew she was over-exaggerating the facts slightly, but she couldn't help herself. The more Nikki looked angry the more it spurred her on. Putting a wedge between the two women might be just what she needed to get Nikki into her good-books and into her bed.

"Oh, right. She never mentioned him to me. So he can't be that important." Nikki needed to believe that was true, even if her heart was telling her otherwise.

"I wouldn't count on it…she's just left with him."

"What?!" Nikki spun around to see Thomas with his hand on Helen's back, ushering her outside into the cool night air and there was nothing she could do but watch.

It was right then that all their problems began.

Watching Helen walk out the door with Thomas closely behind her had been like a kick to Nikki's stomach. A venomous anger bubbled in her as she pictured herself vaulting over the bar to follow the couple outside; to ask Thomas what he was playing at and what the hell his intentions were with Helen. But the determined look on Trisha's face brought her back to reality with a bang and stopped her in her tracks. She had already had one verbal warning from the tall blonde this evening, and she knew another could easily lead to her losing her job, which she couldn't afford to happen as she desperately needed the money. All she could do was continue to play the role of obedient barmaid, albeit grudgingly, and imagine what Helen was getting up to with this guy, who according to Trisha, she knew intimately - and it made her sick to the stomach.

The feelings of nausea rising in her gut were still there as she climbed into her new, cold bed and recalled the night over in her head. From the fear she felt at seeing Helen disappearing with a strange man to the relief she felt coming home to find Helen in bed, asleep and alone.

Nikki lay there in the dark staring at the ceiling until she could see the light of dawn begin to drift through the tiny cracks in her curtains. She knew there was no point in trying to sleep now - not when in a few hours she would have to wake up, make breakfast, tidy and help Helen with her studies before completing her own.

Nikki wondered if she had realised before now the magnitude of the tasks she faced being a part-time carer to Helen, and if she was being truthful to herself she knew the answer was no. It hadn't even been 24 hours and already she could see Helen was going to be hard work in more ways than one. What with her studies and work on top of everything she didn't know how she was quite going to manage, but for Helen's sake she knew she had to forge on. She loved her, and would have walked to the end of the world and back for her. Hell, she would even have gladly sacrificed her own sight if it meant Helen could have had hers back. That's how deep her newfound adorations ran, and as much as Nikki knew it was not healthy, she couldn't help herself from going out of her way to put a smile on the other woman's face. Helen Stewart was like an addiction you couldn't rid yourself of, now matter how hard you tried.

Getting out from under the duvet, Nikki pulled on a hooded sports jacket over her pyjamas and walked out into the deserted living room where she decided to get the tidying out of the way before Helen got up. The place was a tip, but it was still looking a lot cleaner than the first time she had turned up there and the lounge had resembled a Middle-Eastern war zone. Lifting some empty containers from the table she padded quietly into the kitchen and dumped them in the bin as noiselessly as she could. The dishes were the next thing to be tackled, quickly followed by a rub down of the surfaces and a vigorous mopping of the linoleum flooring. The long handled cleaning apparatus took the brunt of her anger as she scrubbed away her building frustrations along with the dirt, her tears mixing with the warm, soapy water.

It took a lot to make Nikki cry, but when she did it was always with good reason, and she always made sure she was only in the confines of her own privacy. She loathed self-pity unless it was called for and she berated herself for the sorrow inside herself that she found hard to justify. Life for her had never been easy, but like she had told Helen the first day they met, you just had to get on with it, no matter how catastrophic the events that fate threw at you. You had to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and chalk it all up to experience. Whatever didn't kill you made you stronger. Nikki swore by these philosophies. "Don't let the buggers get you down" was a phrase that often left her lips. She used to mutter it to herself when her parents would nag on at her. "Achieve good grades, get into a reputable University, get a well-paid job and an even better paid husband with a set of golf clubs and a membership to a gentleman's club." She had done all but the latter just to please them, but somehow it was never good enough. Even when she made it into Oxford University law faculty there was an underlying sense of disappointment oozing from them. If she had won the Nobel Prize for her achievements they would still have found fault somewhere. "Not any more," She thought bitterly. Coming out to her parents had been one of the hardest, yet easiest decisions she had ever had to make. She couldn't have taken it any longer than she did; the hiding, the secrets, the lies. She sacrificed her entire life to be free - and it had been worth it. Even leaving Oxford to study at Larkhall had been a massive weight off of her shoulders. The pressures of her old life were all gone, but with her new life came a new set of burdens and responsibilities that she hadn't been prepared for.

Her parents were wealthy to say the least, and things had always been handed to her brother and herself on a plate; money was never an object. But now she was out on her own, without any support, financial or otherwise, and it was proving tougher than she could have ever envisioned. The brave face she showed to the world didn't always mirror how she felt inside. No one truly knew what was going on in the mind of Nikki Wade - not even Helen - and was the way she intended to keep it.

Kicking the red water-filled bucket away from her she dried her eyes and made her way back into the living room with the intent of going back to bed for a catnap. But as she strolled passed the sofa something caught her eye. A large hardback book with the words "Criminal psychology: Psychopathy vs. Sociopathy." written in bold print lay on the table unopened and looking fairly new. She hadn't seen it before now and it made her wonder why Helen had left it there. It was obviously part of Helen's curricula relating to her chosen course, but why did she have it if she couldn't read it?

Nikki frowned and picked it up and upon doing so saw a small note flutter to the ground, which she picked up and started to read.

"Mrs Lorimar, I requested this publication on audio-CD for you, but unfortunately it is now out of print. I have yet to hear back from the publishers regarding a copy, so in the mean time I hope this will do."

"Shit," Nikki thought to herself. How was Helen supposed to complete her coursework if she didn't have the appropriate study material to work with. Weren't Universities supposed to have adequate access to aides for students with disabilities?

"So bloody much for student services and tax payers money" she sneered in contempt, before the idea hit her between the eyes.

"It won't be out of print for much longer," She carried the book back to her bedroom and closed over the door. It would be hours before she reappeared again and still she would not have had any sleep.

* * *

When Nikki wearily reappeared at almost Midday Helen was not around. Her bedroom door was closed over and although she could hear no sound, Nikki knew she was still in bed. Not wanting to wake her just yet she avoided switching on anything that would make a noise and instead started to rearrange some furniture to pass the time and keep her awake until bedtime, which she calculated at being at least ten hours away.

She was no interior designer, but even she could see this place needed jazzing up. The drab walls and mismatched furnishings were a sight for sore eyes, even if it was a meagre student accommodation. Her old room had been pretty much the same, but she had never bothered to make the effort there, but then, it didn't feel like home; not like here, with Helen.

A little more than thirty minutes into her handy work and Nikki threw herself full length onto the couch to rest and admire the room. It was a vast improvement, and all from just shuffling a few pieces of furniture around. "If only Helen could see it." Nikki mused with a sad smile, knowing her room mate would have been delighted by the difference.

Thinking of Helen made Nikki look at her watch. 12:26pm and the short, blonde was still in bed. Helen had mentioned she was a heavy sleeper who was unable to survive on less than ten hours sleep…but nearly 13 hours? Something wasn't right.

Without a second of hesitation she was standing outside of Helen's bedroom, listening intently with her ear against the door, an uneasy feeling washing over her that was a combination of worry and fear - emotions that were only heightened as she opened the door and felt her heart sink and her stomach lurch at the sight she was met with.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

Nikki stood in shocked silence as she watched Helen thrash around on the bed; her covers being kicked away as they tangled around her feet, and sweat dripped from her face as she cried out in muffled, incoherent screams.

"Helen, wake up!" Rushing in panic towards the bed, Nikki gently shook Helen, and held onto her body to stop the lashing out of her flailing limbs.

"Get off of me, no…no, don't touch me!" Helen continued to lash out violently, until she started to rouse from her unconscious state, and the intensity of the gaze from her otherwise unseeing eyes chilled Nikki to her bone.

"Helen, it's me, Nikki. I'm not going to hurt you." Nikki felt Helen's body enervate in her arms and suddenly become prostrate. All she could hear was Helen's deep breaths as she fought to replenish some much needed oxygen into her lungs.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" Nikki felt Helen's head slowly nod on her shoulder. She could also feel the moisture from the small woman's forehead soak through her top and dampen her skin.

"You really sure?" There was a pause before again, Helen nodded with uncertainty.

"I don't think you are." Nikki pulled away slightly so she could see Helen's face but still keep her arms around her. Helen's cheeks were flushed and tear stained as she looked up at her friend, her hollow eyes almost pleading for Nikki to understand.

"I'll be fine in a minute." Helen's hoarse whisper did nothing to reassure Nikki. There was nothing convincing about the statement whatsoever - even Helen didn't truly believe what she was saying, but still she clung on to the illusion that everything was hunky-dory.

"How long have you been having these nightmares? And don't lie to me, Helen; I'll know if you don't tell me the truth." Helen wondered how in such a short space of time Nikki Wade had managed to get into her psyche and somehow, almost clairvoyantly understand what she was thinking. She had been about to lie and brush this nightmare off as a first and a last. But Nikki, as always, knew better. If she lied now Nikki would only push her into admitting the truth. So she spared herself the hassle and for once didn't try to brush away her problems.

"Ever since I left the hospital." Helen sounded somewhat humiliated in her confession, like it was something to be ashamed of. Adults weren't supposed to let their fears creep into their dreams as far as she was concerned, and the shame showed in the deep blush on her cheeks.

"Why haven't you told me about this. Christ, Helen, it's no good bottling this stuff up. Things only get worse if you don't talk about them."

"I know that, but…" Nikki felt Helen become rigid as she paused and she noticed the look in Helen's eyes change from sadness to terror as she began to recall something in her mind.

"But what?"

"They scare me so much, and talking about it…that scares me even more. I don't want to remember. When I wake up I want to shut it all out and pretend what I'm seeing isn't real. I thought they would stop when you moved in, but last night…they got even more vivid."

"Are you dreaming of the attack?" Nikki asked reluctantly, but knowing for Helen's sake she had to probe deeper.

"Yes." A small and suppressed sob escaped Helen's quivering lips.

"Shh, come here. Don't cry." Nikki pulled Helen back into her arms and tenderly brushed her right hand over the small brunette's back to sooth her; wishing it would be enough to take all the pain away.

"You should speak to someone about it - a professional." Nikki said in a whisper.

"No!" Helen jerked her body away in sudden anger, but Nikki held gently onto her.

"Okay, it was just a suggestion." Helen paused momentarily, then let herself slide back into Nikki's tender embrace. Safe in the knowledge that Nikki wouldn't force her into seeing a counsellor. She had all the support she wanted and needed right here in Nikki's arms, where she could feel safe and loved.

"What is it that scares you?" Nikki pulled herself and Helen under the duvet and lay back against the pillows with Helen's head resting gently on her chest.

She felt Helen relax, her body becoming less rigid and she heard a small heartfelt sigh leave Helen's lips. Nikki waited patiently for Helen to speak, but for a very long time only the ticking from the alarm clock was heard. She had almost given up when Helen finally broke the silence.

"It is the uncertainty and the feeling of terror that the nightmares invoke in me. I'm sometimes even scared of going to sleep, knowing that the minute my eyes are closed I'm going to relive that night over again." She hesitated while trying to gather her thoughts. Nikki sensed she needed time so she kept silent, even as a thousand questions burned in her mind.

"I keep running and I can't escape. Someone always grabs hold of me and drags me into this dark tunnel… I try fighting this thing….this person off of me, but he is too strong… and then…" once more Helen stopped talking.

"What happened?" Nikki said quietly still stroking Helen's back with great care and tenderness.

"I don't know," Helen said and let out a deep moan. "I don't even know if it is real or just something my imagination has created. I never see a face, or hear a voice. I just see hands coming towards me, and I can feel the fingers digging into my skin. I think I might be going crazy, Nikki."

"No, you're not…" Nikki tried to figure out how to reassure Helen without suddenly blurting out that she loved her with all her heart and would never let anything bad happen to her.

"You know…" she said tentatively, but was cut short by Helen suddenly sitting up in the bed.

"Nikki, what time is it?"

Rather puzzled Nikki looked at the alarm clock.

"It's nearly 2pm…why?"

"Shit, I've got to get ready, I have a lunch date with Thomas. I promised I would meet him for a walk in the park. I've only got half an hour to get ready." Helen shouted as she sped out of the bed with amazing precision for a blind person, and headed straight for the bathroom, acting surprisingly like the last fifteen minutes had not happened.

Nikki let out an exasperated and very frustrated groan. She silently cursed Thomas with all of her heart. She couldn't help but feel like he was taking Helen away from her, even if she knew that Helen was not hers to retain. She slowly sat up and looked around the room, realising this was the first time she had been so close to Helen's personal space. Her heart lurched as she tried to commit each intricate detail to mind; from the smell that hung in the air, to the colours and textures that made up the room. Every fixture and fitting gave her a deeper insight into the woman she loved.

Nikki's attentions were soon drawn towards the door as Helen came bounding back into the room, wrapped snugly in a small, fluffy white towel that merely covered her mid-section, while her dampened hair dripped periodically onto her bare shoulders. Nikki watched in silent awe, her hormones raging at the sight before her. She knew she shouldn't be staring so intently, but she somehow couldn't draw her eyes away.

"Have you seen my jeans?" Helen asked while rummaging through a drawer in order to find something suitable to wear. Nikki reluctantly directed her eyes to the floor and taking another look around, found the inside-out jeans discarded on the floor. She picked them up and handed them to Helen, who was now standing in a nice, yet plain white top that clung to her curves and a pair of panties that Nikki momentarily glanced at before diverting her gaze in embarrassed lust.

"Thanks." She quickly pulled on the stonewashed, skinny fit denims. "Okay, well, I best be off. I'll maybe see you later, Nikki" Helen said as she walked out the door, apparently without a care in the world.

The deafening silence that engulfed the apartment sent Nikki's mood below zero. She so much wanted to tell Helen how she really felt about her, but she was terrified that the object of her desire would back away and dismiss her, no longer wanting her help or even worse not having her live with her in the apartment. Opting to keep her emotions bottled up meant she kept Helen as a friend; spilling those pent up feelings would only result in her own heartache. No matter which way she went it would end in her being burned, and Thomas Waugh was adding fuel to that fire.

Walking back through the living room to her own room, she sat down at her desk, where the heavy textbook lay open. It was part of Helen's curriculum, but now Nikki had recorded it on to CD's so Helen would be able to hear it, and hopefully not fail her degree. Nikki on the other hand knew what the outcome to her own studies would be. She had neglected her coursework since day one at Larkhall, and as the first term began to draw to a close she knew, if things weren't rectified and soon, then she would be forced to leave University and Helen behind.

The idea had crossed her mind a million times; to move on to pastures new. To a place where she was content, doing her own thing, leading her own life, the way she choose to. Had it not been for Helen she knew she would already have packed and gone. But for the last three weeks she had been happier than she could ever remember; until the last few days. The closeness she and Helen had seemingly shared had began to dissipate at an alarmingly rapid speed, and the gaping void between them had started to appear. Something in Helen had changed and Nikki couldn't put her finger on what it was. One minute Helen would appear to be "normal", chatting away, smiling, sometimes even going as far as to flirt back at Nikki's blatant, innuendo. Then like a rain cloud had descended over her head she would clam up and retreat into herself, blocking Nikki and everyone else out. To say Nikki was confused by the behaviour would be an understatement. But she continually let it pass without question. Never once did she allow herself to believe that Helen was perhaps developing the same feelings she herself was harbouring.

Instead she had come to the conclusion that each of them had a different agenda from their new found friendship. Nikki was there to help Helen, and Helen was there to help herself. And now that Helen was slowly finding her feet, with the added assistance of a certain male, whose amorous advances were like a magnet pulling Helen towards him; Nikki felt surplus to requirements.

Placing the last piece of sticky-tape over the package she had newly wrapped, Nikki sat it back down on her desk top and moved forlornly towards her bed. Getting down on her hands and knees she dragged her suitcase from beneath and lifted it on to her mattress.

She needed a clean slate, and as her days at Larkhall were numbered, and her chances of a life with Helen impossible, she decided it was time to go while her head was still held high.

By the time Helen would return from her day out with Thomas she would be packed and gone; onto a new life where there was no more failures and no more broken hearts.

Nikki skulked stealthily into the pub where she was due to work that evening, her suitcase being wheeled despondently behind her. She was in a decidedly dismal mood, having made her decision to leave what meant the most to her, Helen. But she had to; otherwise her heart would surely be even more shattered than it already was. She knew she could not stand by and watch the love of her life swan off into the arms of another person, and a man of all things.

She felt a sudden twinge of sadness tug at her heart as she stopped to take a look around, viewing the familiar sea of faces that sat around the small wooden tables in front of her. One or two looked up from their drinks long enough to smile in her direction, or to give her a nod of acknowledgement, which she duly returned. She knew nothing about these people who she had fondly come to know as regulars frequenting her place of work, but these faces without names were a constant source of comfort when she needed it. Their hearty banter and quick wit while waiting to be served always somehow managed to brighten Nikki's day, and that she would miss terribly.

As she had packed her bags less than a few hours before, she had thought of everything she would be giving up in order to start a new life. But as she stood here in the reality of it all, the magnitude of her hasty choices hit her. She had not thought about the impact of leaving all her friends behind too. It was not only her very private personal life but also her more professional life she was leaving. Not to mention giving up her studies which she had fought so hard for.

"Hiya, Nik, you're early for a change. You feeling all right?" Trish's cheerful voice pulled her out of her dark musings.

"Hi, Trish…" Nikki was not really in the mood for the happy smile on Trish's face and the beaming, lust filled eyes. She knew Trish had a thing for her, but she was not interested. There was only one woman she wanted, and she couldn't have her.

"What are those bags doing here?" Trish asked as she spotted the suitcase and the matching holdall on the floor in front of the bar.

Nikki did not answer right away. She only gave Trish a dark, sullen look, which said a thousand words.

"You're leaving, aren't you?" The happy look on Trish's face had evaporated into thin air and a distinct panicked look haunted her eyes.

Nikki only nodded to confirm Trish's question. She was in no mood for discussing the ins and outs of her private life with somehow whom she knew could make matters worse.

"But why? You seem so settled here. Is there problems at home? Is Helen being a bit problematic again?" Trisha's rapid firing of questions sounded desperate, and bordering on frantic.

"If there was problems at "home" I'd be the last one to hear about them. And Helen's fine, I just feel like I need a fresh start."

"But…" Before Trisha could carry on Nikki raised her hand to stop her in her tracks.

"I will work my last shift tonight, and after that you will have to get someone else in to help you work the bar. I'm sorry that it's short notice, but it's the way it has to be."

"Sure," Trisha didn't know what emotion to convey first. Shock, anger, fear, loss, and a multitude of other feelings coursed through her at once. But in the end she settled for numbness.

"I'll miss you Nikki. I know we never hit it off in the way I wanted us to, what with you having feelings for Helen, but…" Trisha tried to downplay the jealousy in her voice, but it needn't have mattered, for Nikki was no longer listening to her.

"Shit! Trisha, I'll be right back. I've forgotten to do something important back at the flat. I won't be long. Take care of my bags for me." Without waiting for a response Nikki shot off out through the doors like a piston. She had forgotten to place the wrapped, homemade audio CD's in a place where Helen was bound to find them. If she hurried home now she would be able to get back to the apartment to put them in the right place before Helen would be back; no doubt with Thomas in tow.

"Okay, but hurry… the place will be crowded…" Trish shouted after her but the words fell on deaf ears.

Helen had rushed out of the apartment totally oblivious to the fact that Nikki had looked absolutely devastated by the apparent joy she had displayed at meeting up with Thomas.

Thomas Waugh had come into Helen's life through a chance encounter while on the Summer break from University, when herself and a few friends had booked themselves a much needed holiday on one of the Spanish islands. The pair had found it incredible that they should meet for the first time, hundreds of miles away from home, when they lived around the corner from each other on the student campus. And so a steady friendship had begun, which lasted the duration of their two week stay.

Helen's friends had goaded her about the amount of time she was spending with the handsome pre-med student; comments which she laughed off to their face, but spent hours mulling over in private. So what if she was spending more time with Thomas and his annoying friend, Sean that she was with them? She was having fun.

Thomas was gorgeous; everything she should want in a man. So why hadn't she felt anything more for him than friendship? This was a question she was determined to now find the answer to.

"It's starting to rain, we should probably head back." The light autumn drizzle began to trickle slowly from the clouds above; not enough to soak them, but enough to alert them to the fact a good old British rain storm could at any minute ensue.

Thomas' suggestion at a walk in the campus grounds had seemed like such a romantic gesture, but if she was being honest Helen would have admitted that the idea didn't really have an impact on her. The novelty of looking at the lovely scenery was lost on her due to her current predicament, but somehow Thomas didn't seem to consider this fact.

At first Helen wondered if he was embarrassed to make comment, having realised his faux pas. But as the day wore on she soon came to realise that Thomas was practically oblivious to her lack of sight. If this was a good thing or not she couldn't decided, but small alarm bells were beginning to go off in her head and an uneasy feeling began to churn in the pit of her stomach.

Switching off from listening to Thomas ramble on about a peace protest he was thinking of joining in on at the weekend, Helen began to amuse herself with thoughts of Nikki, and what kind of day her friend was having.

She pictured Nikki laying on the sofa of their home, singing along, albeit out of tune, to the songs on her CD player, as she chilled out, reading one of her favourite novels. A smile crept onto Helen's lips at the thought. Nikki didn't know she was listening in, but from her bedroom, Helen would sit by the doorway, lost in her own mind, as Nikki's voice wafted through the flat. She was no Whitney or Mariah, that Nikki would have agreed on herself, but Helen loved to hear her, and know that her friend was close-by.

"Let's have dinner, on me. That little Italian restaurant on Garrick Street looks delicious, and that new club, "Enigma" is right next door. We could make a night of it."

"I don't know, Thomas. It's Sunday, and we both have lectures in the morning." Helen couldn't have cared less if she made it to her classes the next day, but it was the best excuse she could come up with. All she wanted to do was go home, and curl up beside Nikki and have her friend read to her as she relaxed.

"Oh, come on, Helen. Live a little! It won't kill you to have some fun!"

"But…"

"But nothing. I'm not taking no for an answer." He smiled, taking Helen's hand a little more forcefully than she appreciated. Thomas started to walk away with Helen having no choice but to follow beside him. Her mind screamed for her to leave, but her legs carried on walking.

A few hours later she was wishing she had followed her intuition, rather than Thomas Waugh.

Helen glanced down without thinking to the watch that sat on her wrist,now there purely for decorative purposes and wondered what time it was. She imagined it to be around 9pm, but she had no way of knowing for sure. Thomas had excused himself to go to the bathroom a few minutes before, so she sat alone at their table in Bertorelli's - a little family-run Italian restaurant in the centre of town.

She could feel the heat from the lone candle in the middle of the table radiate across her face as she leaned forward resting her tilted head on her hand, whilst stifling a yawn with the other.

"Surely you can't be tired yet?" Thomas' voice echoed from nearby.

"Well, actually Thomas…"

"I've paid the bill, so if you're ready to go?" Thomas held Helen's light cardigan in his hands and helped her into it in a very gentlemanly manner that most women would have appreciated. But the gesture was lost on Helen who was still reeling from Thomas' blatant dismissal of what she was about to say. She knew fine well why he was doing so - he wanted her to go to the club with him so he could parade her to his friends, despite her continual protests to be taken home.

"Thomas!" Helen said a little too loudly. She heard the restaurant hush for a moment, before the diners picked back up their cutlery and resumed their chatter.

"Thomas…I'm really not in the mood to be going out drinking, so if you would kindly take me home I would appreciate it." Helen said in a quieter tone so as not to cause a further scene.

"But, Helen…please…just one drink then I swear to you that I will accompany you back to the dorms safely. Just the one…for me…" Thomas held her shoulders in a firm grip as he practically begged her to join him next door - and with a sigh Helen relented.

"Fine, but just the one, okay?"

"Promise. You have my word." He answered with a large, sly grin as he escorted her towards "Enigma".

* * *

The blaring music rang around Helen's ears as she walked into the club, stopping beside a large fake palm-tree to wait on Thomas who was still being frisked at the door. With her sight gone, her hearing had become far more acute than she appreciated. Noisy environments like this were a nightmare to her ears.

"Right, what are you having to drink?" Thomas took hold of her hand as he suddenly appeared next to her and started to walk on to the main dance floor and across to one of the bars.

"Just a coke for me," Helen bellowed trying to make her voice heard over the pounding dance beats.

"You can do better than that, Helen…come on…"

"Okay, get me a bottle of beer - any kind, it doesn't matter" Helen knew she wouldn't drink it, but if it got Thomas off her back then so be it.

"Sit here, I'll be right back." Thomas spoke in her ear as he lent down towards her, guiding her onto a plush black leather sofa - and Helen did as she was told. As she waited she tapped her fingernails idly onto the table in front her, matching the rhythms of the pounding music. It was a habit of hers she did unconsciously when she was bored rigid. Within minutes she heard the recognizable clunking sound of glass bottles being placed on the table and she felt a hand slowly come towards her and softly rest on her left shoulder.

"Thanks," She replied, reaching out carefully to lift her drink. As she did so an all too familiar smell wafted into her nostrils and she felt her body automatically stiffen in fear. In a flash a picture coursed through her mind - the same scenes she witnessed every night in her dreams. But this was no dream - this was a living nightmare. In seconds the horrific events of her attack were played back in her memory, like an action replay.

Quickly jumping to her feet, she pushed away the hand from her shoulder with a vigorous movement, sending its owner almost flying backwards on the dance floor.

"Get away from me!" she yelled and fumbled towards the entrance door unknowing of the puzzled looks that followed her hasty exit, and without hearing Thomas calling out after her.

She ran as fast as her legs could carry her, though she was not quite sure where she was going. She was literally running blindly towards, she hoped, the campus. She suddenly heard footsteps and a feeling of sickness swelled in her stomach. She had stopped running and stood breathlessly steadying herself against a wall. She listened intently to the sound of the footsteps. They were light, so it was definitely not a man. She relaxed slightly and tried to locate the direction the person was walking. By the sound of the heels on the pavement it seemed that the person came directly towards her.

She took a deep breath and tentatively asked:

"Can you please tell me, where I am… I mean which road I'm on?"

"Yes, dear," an elderly woman's voice answered tenderly. It was warm and gentle, almost like a balm to Helen's frail nerves. "You're standing on the corner of Berkley Street - next to the University."

"Thank you... so very much…" Helen said with great relief. By a stroke of luck she had managed to run in the right direction. She was only one block away from the apartment where she knew Nikki would be waiting for her. And Nikki would be able to help her, of that she was sure.

* * *

Nikki had walked into the dark empty apartment with some apprehension. To both her relief and her disappointment the room was empty and silent; Helen wasn't home yet. She soon found the wrapped package on her computer desk in the deserted room. She picked it up and stood for a moment, weighing it in her hands. Then she turned on her heel and walked back into the living room towards the kitchen. She placed the package on the kitchen table near the sink where she knew Helen always placed her coffee cup. She took one final sad glance around and headed for the door. She was about to reach for the doorknob as she heard something outside. Before she could decide what to do, the door flung open revealing Helen in a state of panic. She was shaking and tears had started to run down her face, taking with it her mascara. Her clothes looked crumpled and slightly disarrayed but not torn or dirty. Yet it was enough to make Nikki fearful.

"My God, Helen!" she said with horror colouring her voice. "What's happened to you?" All thoughts of leaving were now at the back of her mind, and her main focus turned to Helen, who was in obvious distress.

"Oh, Nikki!" Helen sobbed and lashed herself forward in the direction where the familiar voice came from.

"I know who did it" she said between sobs, hugging herself tightly into the contours of Nikki's body, where she felt herself melt. "I know who it was that attacked me,"


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

"What? Who? When?" Nikki asked, pensively, while watching the open front door. Her eyes quickly returned to the tousled woman in front of her, who got more agitated by every passing second. She gently put her arms around her to calm her down. She tucked her in and held her close, soothingly stroking her back.

"The attack, Nikki," she hiccuped as tears started to run down her cheeks again.

"Thomas…it was Thomas, who attacked me… I smelt his aftershave and it all came flooding back…that night, the attack…I remember everything." Helens sobs sounded painful, and Nikki could almost feel the suffering penetrate her own soul. It made her temper boil and an unknown rage tore through her in way she had never experienced before.

"The bastard!" She yelled "I'll kill him! I'm going to bloody bottle him when I get my hands on him! Where is he now?" Nikki seethed, practically foaming at the mouth as red hot temper jolted through her like electricity. She tried to free herself from Helen's grip, but the small woman was a lot stronger than what she looked.

"He's at the club, but please, Nikki, promise me not to go there and hurt him. I need you here, with me. Don't leave me." Helen clung so tightly to Nikki's waist that it was painful. Nikki stopped struggling to get free and instead tightened her hold of Helen, who shook violently.

"Shh, I promise I'm not going anywhere," Nikki whispered in a choked voice, and only she noted the double meaning of her words. "But I can't promise that I won't hurt him, not after what he's done to you," she said a bit more forcefully than intended.

"Nikki, I'm not happy about what he's done to me either, but you can't go around hitting or attempting to kill people...no matter what they've done." The sensible Helen had slowly returned and now she tried to reason her way back from the fears that had just held her in an iron grip. From experience she knew full well that Nikki had the potential to be a hothead, with a temper that could be easily unleashed when least expected. Not only could it get her into trouble, but in this case could also get her hurt. Helen wanted to see Thomas get what was coming to him, but not at the expense of seeing Nikki suffering because of it. She cared too much about Nikki to see anything bad happen to her.

"I don't plan to kill him, Helen, but I do plan to make the bastard suffer, just like you did." The look on Nikki's face said it all. She meant every last word of what she was saying.

"An eye for an eye you mean? It's not the way! Nikki please, I mean it…I couldn't stand it if anything happened to you because of me…I…I…" Helen stuttered and stopped mid-sentence, well aware that Nikki was watching her intently, almost reading her mind.

"You what? What are you trying to say?" Helen shook her head in answer to Nikki's questioning.

"Nothing" She whispered. Cowardly fear stopped her saying the three little words. Words that she was desperate to shout at the top of her lungs, but couldn't. She wanted Nikki to know how she felt; to know that a love like she had never before experienced burned deep inside her. But right now she didn't think she could handle the rejection that would likely ensue. What would Nikki see in her, other than friendship? Nothing. Nikki's words from the day they had first met still sat at the forefront of her mind, playing over and over like a record on repeat.

"I wouldn't go near her even if she begged me. She's damaged goods…" Had Nikki meant those callous words, or was it a case of pretend hatred masking true love? There was only one way to find out.

Nikki's breath swept across her face, the tiny puffs of air gliding over her lips causing a tingling sensation that ran the length of her body. Never before had she felt this turned on - not from just being held so close and definitely not by being held by another woman. But these last few weeks a lot of things had changed – she had slowly fallen in love without noticing it, and now when she was being held so close, feeling safe for the first time since the attack, she realized it.

Oh, how she wished Nikki would lean forward and give her what she had been searching for all these years - but neither moved. A long, lingering silence encapsulated them as they stood there like time had been frozen. Neither wanted to break the embrace, but the intensity of the moment was becoming too much for both to bear. The longing each had was overpowering - and Nikki could see it in her friends eyes. A sparkle that she had never seen before shone brightly from the once barren orbs. Was that lust she could see, or was that just wishful thinking? The latter seemed like the more obvious choice, considering Helen had never before shown an interest in her, or any other woman for that matter. As far as Nikki could see, up until now Helen had wanted Thomas - not her and she wasn't about to lose a valued friendship for one quick kiss.

Helen on the other hand was growing impatient. Losing Nikki due to the repercussions of a kiss hadn't crossed her mind - probably because the hormones now raging around her body had blocked out all rationality. It was now or never, she thought to herself as her tongue swept across her bottom lip. But just as she was summoning up the courage to close the tiny gap between their mouths someone barged in through the open front door. Nikki's head shot up in an instant and she could feel Helen tighten her arms around her in a python-like grip. She at once recognized the disarrayed, dark haired figure in the doorway. It was Thomas. Nikki could feel how her mood quickly snapped from love to rage, slowly simmering at first and rapidly building into an overwhelming, burning hatred. Before she knew what she was doing she had forced herself out of Helen's hold and launched herself at Thomas with the speed and agility of a wild animal, that took them both by shock.

"You bastard!" she screamed as she knocked him over. Thomas , who was not prepared for Nikki's attack, stumbled backwards and fell to the ground with a heavy thud. It knocked the wind out of him and gave Nikki the upper hand for the moment.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here, following Helen to her apartment?" Nikki continued screaming at him as she knelt across his chest, panting erratically. "Did you think you could finish off what you didn't manage last time?"

Thomas had regained a little of his composure, but enough to be able to respond to the mad woman, whom he had never, until now, had the pleasure to meet. He struggled to get away from her, but the dark-haired beauty had him pinned to the floor, ensuring there was no way for him to get to Helen.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he hissed back as he tried to defend himself and duck the blows that kept coming his way.

"You fucking bastard!" she yelled angrily. "Don't play me for a fool… it was you who attacked Helen that night. So ferocious an attack, you blinded her. You've screwed up her bloody life." Nikki kept trying to hit Thomas where it would hurt him the most, as he fought to catch her wrists.

Helen, meanwhile, was still standing rooted to the spot where Nikki had left her. She could hear every word that was screamed between Thomas and Nikki, as well as hearing the obvious sounds from the struggle between them. As she stood there listening to them argue she see-sawed between rage and worry. Worried about what could happen to Nikki, worried that she would actually manage to seriously injure Thomas and worried that Thomas would be too strong for Nikki to handle on her own. Panicking; she trembled in fear - knowing she would never be able to forgive herself if anything happened to the woman who had become her protector - she could never live without her.

Summoning all his strength, Thomas managed to throw Nikki onto her back and edge himself away long enough to be on his feet again, but Nikki was too quick for him and once more launched herself at him in attack. However this time he was prepared and stepped aside like a bullfighter. She narrowly passed him and tripped in the process of stopping and turning to hit him, making her curse out loudly. Embarrassment and anger were not a good mixture. Together they turned Nikki Wade into a dangerous Molotov Cocktail that was ready to take out all that was in her way.

Helen could hear the commotion and Nikki swearing, but she had no idea what was happening, She mustered all her determination, channelling her fears into strength, and desperately tried to get herself between the scuffling pair before someone was seriously hurt. That however was easier thought about than undertaken. She had no clue where she was standing, although she had a rough idea. Edging forward slightly she threw her arms out, in the hope something familiar would graze her fingers - but all she could feel around her was nothingness.

A determined thud, followed by a deep groan stopped her in her tracks.

"Nikki!" Her heart beat wildly in her chest as the adrenaline pumped around her body. "Nikki?" She repeated in panic as she received no answer, tears stinging her redundant eyes.

"I'm okay," came the deep, winded reply, but it didn't do anything to ease Helen's fears. Nikki sounded in pain and she had to get to her.

"Where are you?" Helen looked around, even although she couldn't see a thing.

"Don't move Helen, stay where you are," Nikki's words were short and sharp as she struggled to get oxygen back into her lungs. One punch to the stomach was all it had taken to render her immobile, as Thomas stood watching her like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

"Oh, God, what have I done…I'm so sorry," He clasped his hand over his mouth; shocked that he had lashed out so violently.

"What's he done? Oh, God, Nikki…" Helen had heard enough, and she certainly wasn't going to listen to Nikki's advice. She ran forward, but before she could get where she was going she felt her legs collide with something in front of her. Like in slow motion she toppled forward her hands stretched out in front, grappling for anything to grab a hold of that would save her from a nasty fall - but it was too late. The last thing she heard was her name echoing around the room as her head made impact with the carpeted concrete.

With fear in her eyes and terror in her heart, Nikki watched helplessly as Helen blindly strode towards her. The long pine coffee table which she had moved from its usual place in front of the television that morning, in her pursuit of cleaning the house was right in the track of the blind woman. Nikki could only watch as Helen lost her footing and began to tumble to the ground in slow motion. There was nothing she could have done to help her - it all happened too quickly, yet it felt like an eternity before Helen actually hit the floor. By the time she had risen to her feet she heard the loud crack of Helen's head meeting with the edge of the coffee table and then hitting the ground with a dull thump. Nothing followed after that but a deadly silence.

"Helen!" Nikki knew shouting the other woman's name would do no good, as Helen was clearly unconscious, but she couldn't help the words from escaping her lips as she ran towards the prostrate body. "Helen!" she cried out again with fear quivering in her voice.

Thomas stood like a statue in the middle of the room. He had not moved an inch and he seemed to be completely paralysed by the quick succession of events. Nikki on the other hand had her wits about her and carefully knelt next to Helen, trying to find her pulse and establish if she was still breathing. Her training in first aid from her days at a posh all girls school came rushing back to her, and she acted automatically with the unconscious form of Helen.

Thomas seemed to be coming out of his haze as he watched Nikki struggle to contort Helen's body into a recovery position, and quickly went to help the dark-haired woman, as his own medical training kicked in. Whilst acknowledging the need for united forces, albeit very reluctantly, she allowed him to assist her in bringing Helen back to consciousness. As a deep sigh left Helen's mouth Nikki nodded towards Thomas, who took it as his cue to leave her to it, and got up.

"I'll call for an ambulance," he said, reaching for his mobile phone while stepping away from the two women on the floor.

Everything felt so distant and dark, with a warmth that pervaded her senses. She could hear the mumbling of voices echo from afar, but she was unable to see a thing. The darkness had been well known to her for quite some time. She was used to its black cocoon ever since that almost fatal attack. But the darkness that surrounded her right now was not hostile or unpleasant. In fact it was emanating an air of comfort that for so long had been foreign to her. The pains and fears had all gone, leaving her only with the sense of floating as thought she had left her body.

A slight flicker of light seemed to find its way towards her as the voices came closer. They seemed familiar even if she could not place them with certainty. A sudden sharp white light hit her forcefully and she felt an agonising burning pain on the side of her head. The voices became clear, yet not completely understandable to her. The muffled sounds entangled with grey shadows that filtered in and out of the white light and she slowly became aware that she was able to see the shapes of what looked like a woman and a man. They may have been blurred, but they were undeniably there. She heard someone moan, and realised the noise had risen from deep within herself. The man stood and moved from her view. She didn't get what he said, but the woman seemed to agree with him. She wanted to scream for help but the words stuck, reverberating around her head.

"Helen, are you all right?" a warm soft voice drifted over her. Helen tried to answer but nothing coherent came across her lips. She wanted to say that she was okay, but the words did not leave her. Her dazed mind reckoned from the sound of the voice that the woman kneeling next to her was Nikki. She wanted to see her, but her vision was still too blurred to fully make out the intricately detailed features of the woman.

"It's here," a man's voice said. It was the last thing Helen heard before slipping into the darkness that forever seemed to swallow her up.

* * *

An uptight Nikki paced back and forth along the rows of spotlessly clean corridors of St. Michaels hospital. She had not been allowed to follow Helen into the casualty department despite her insistence. To add to her annoyance, Thomas had been permitted entrance since he was a medical student and well known to the staff. When he finally came out Nikki had the urge to punch him again, but the weary look on his ashen face stopped her from doing anything overtly violent to him.

"Where is Helen? What is happening? What's going on?" the questions came flying out of Nikki's mouth before she could get a hold of herself. She had stepped right up under his nose and tried to restrain herself from hitting him and grabbing the lapels of his jacket to push him against the wall. She needed to release all the pent up aggression that had been slowly building inside her as she impatiently awaited news, and Thomas seemed like the perfect candidate to play punch bag with.

"She has been taken to the ward. The specialist said it was a nasty bump, but she will live. There's no lasting damage done." Thomas sounded tired, and his eyes held a sudden sadness. "You can go see her now. I'll show you the way."

He turned around and led Nikki down a labyrinth of brightly lit hallways that seemed never ending. He opened a large white door into a darkened room, which held nothing more than a small bedside lamp which was turned on; casting a dim yellowish light across the large single bed in the middle of the room. Nikki looked at the small figure which lay inside the bleached white covers, and she couldn't help but note with sadness how Helen seemed awfully small and fragile in comparison to the bed.

"Listen, Nikki, you may not believe what I'm saying, but I have no idea why Helen accused me of attacking her. I would never do anything like that, and I certainly would never dream of hurting her in such a way…i like her...a lot."

He was cut short by Nikki who could no longer restrain the anger from letting her make at least a verbal attack.

"No, you bloody listen to me! Stay away from Helen! Leave her alone and don't come near her again!"

For a brief moment Thomas was dumbfounded, but he quickly regained his composure.

"What on Earth gives you the right to dictate what I should or shouldn't do?" He had become angry too which showed in the agitated way he spoke. "It's not like you're her mother, sister… or…or… even her partner!"

The moment the words left his word, he knew he had hit a nerve, judging from the look in Nikki's eyes and her face as it darkened, every contour tightening in anger. Then something dawned on him. How distant Helen often had seemed when they were together. He knew that some of the distance was due to the fact that she could not see him, but he had always felt an emotional distance as well, like there had been a brick wall between them. All the pieces fell into place in his head.

"That's just it, isn't it?" He said with vehemence. "You got to her first… I should have known a…"

"A what?" Nikki had turned around and stood nose to nose to him only a few inches away.

"A what?" she repeated more insistently. "Why don't you just say it out loud? A dyke…is that what you meant?" She moved even closer into his personal space.

"Come on, for once tell the truth. Or are you afraid by letting go you will reveal your true self? That you're a bloody rapist who attacks women, when they can't defend themselves?" Nikki had grabbed the lapel of his jacket and was about to shove him out of the door, as a weak, yet distinct voice called out behind her.

"Leave him, Nikki! It wasn't Thomas who attacked me. I know who it really was."

Both Nikki and Thomas spun around sharply on their heels and eyed the small framed woman in the hospital bed. She looked with a mixture of curiosity and wonder at Nikki, who suddenly felt very self-conscious although she didn't realise that Helen was actually staring directly at her.

Thomas, however, had noticed and knew that the direct eye contact meant there was every likelihood she could see again.

"Helen, you can see now?" he tentatively asked, and Helen moved her head so she was looking him directly in the eyes.

"Things are still a bit dim and blurred…but yes, I can" she returned her look to Nikki. She wanted to take everything in of this gorgeous woman. Helen quickly realised that Nikki had been far too modest when describing herself. What she saw was a tall, lean, curvy and absolutely beautiful woman with short jet-black hair a pair of deep soulful brown eyes that looked with adoration at her, and the love that emanated from them could not be missed. Helen could feel her stomach flip at the sight.

As much as she felt great relief being able to see again, what made her happiest was that her memory had returned. Even if it was not all happy memories considering the events of the attack, it still calmed her to know exactly what had happened. She knew who had attacked her, how and why. She knew that she could prove it and she knew the attacker would rot somewhere horrible for hopefully a very long time. And she was more than prepared to do her bit to make that happen.

Nikki let go of Thomas, who was sandwiched between herself and the door, leaving him to rearrange his clothes.

"Thomas, I'm sorry for accusing you of attacking me. I know now it wasn't you. It was just your aftershave that triggered something in my memory and I went off half-cocked without giving you a chance of an explanation. But please understand that I was scared…"

"I don't blame you, Helen, you did the right thing….but I don't understand…what do you mean about my aftershave?" Thomas had a truly puzzled expression on his face. He frowned as he seemed to search his memory for something. Then he suddenly looked up at Helen as realisation hit him - a metaphorical light bulb having gone on in his head.

"It's not mine," Thomas stammered. "I borrowed the aftershave from Sean; I didn't have any of my own left… That means that Sean….?" Thomas ran his hand through his hair. Surely not his best friend?

"Yes…" Helen said without elaborating on it.

Nikki just looked from Thomas to Helen and then back without really understanding what they were talking about, but it seemed they both knew and were absolutely sure about it.

"Shit!" Thomas suddenly exclaimed, making Nikki almost jump.

"What?" Helen looked questioningly at him.

"We need to get the police to pick up Sean right away," Thomas said with haste. "Otherwise he will be leaving the country and he won't be back until spring. He applied for a six-month study program in France, and he leaves in…." Thomas looked down at the watch on his right wrist. "Less that two hours."

"What are we going to do?" Helen said with a slight touch of panic in her voice. She wanted to nail Sean, but lying in a hospital bed was not the best starting point.

"Nikki, you stay with Helen. I'll get hold of the police." With that Thomas hurried out of the ward leaving Nikki gob smacked and rather confused. She had no idea what was going on, but from the agitated state that both Thomas and Helen were in she figured out that this Sean character was the key to it all.

She tentatively walked over to where Helen lay helpless and gingerly sat by her bedside in the seat provided.

"How do you feel?" she asked quietly, gently rubbing her thumb over Helen's hand.

Helen looked up at Nikki with warmth and suddenly she felt that nothing could ever harm her again

.

"I'm fine, thanks…." She knew it was a stupid thing to say, but that sentence was one she had used robotically for months. Yet, at the moment she really did feel fine and she wanted to hold on to that feeling. She was sorry she had not been able to look into Nikki's eyes before now, but finally she had been given the chance and she wanted to make the most of it. Helen realised that Nikki looked slightly uneasy and with a questioningly look she said: "What?"

"Nothing…" Nikki shook her head forlornly.

"You sure?" Helen wasn't convinced. Nikki's voice sounded unusually flat and there was a sadness in those chocolate-brown eyes that she didn't imagine was always there.

"Well…. It's just…. Who is Sean?" Nikki's lost look made Helen's heart contract almost painfully. She looked like a lost child, but Helen decided that she could, and would make her smile again. She also decided it was time to tell Nikki everything about the attack now that she could remember it.

"Sean and Thomas share an apartment. I met them both during the summer on my holiday in Spain. We hung out together, as we all came from this university. I was, as you might have guessed, very interested in Thomas, as he is really everything you could wish for in a man." At these words Nikki hung her head a bit more, almost imperceptibly.

"I dated Thomas briefly, but Sean was always hanging around behind him. He never gave us a moment of peace. He was Thomas' friend, so he didn't want to offend him by telling him to go elsewhere. Thomas is really far too sweet and gentle, totally incapable of being impolite towards a friend. It was obvious to me that Sean was only hanging around because he fancied me. Thomas was too nice to see that, but I could feel Sean's eyes follow me everywhere I went." Helen's mood grew darker as she recalled the past. "It was really unnerving, Nikki. He always had a really strange look in his eyes that I couldn't read. I could never find out what he really wanted. When we all got back here, I was desperate to find out if Thomas was still interested, but our paths never seemed to cross, so I left it up to the hands of fate," Helen smiled ruefully. "But it seems fate had different ideas for me." Nikki clutched the hand she was rubbing tightly in support and Helen carried on.

"I tried to persuade Claire to join me down at the bar, but she wanted to spend time with her new girlfriend - so I went alone. I didn't expect the pub to be empty, but it was, so I spent the night talking to Trisha, catching up on what had happened during the Summer. At closing time I decided to walk home, rather than taking a taxi. I thought the fresh air would do me some good, and that perhaps I would sober up before I got back to the flat." She gave a mirthless sigh.

"I had only walked for few minutes when I felt a presence behind me. I turned around a couple of times, but couldn't see anything, so I thought was just my imagination, besides I was beginning to feel slightly woozy to say the least. I might be Scottish, but I never could handle my drink." Helen tried to laugh but the new found humour wasn't fooling anyone "I felt dizzy - almost like I wasn't there. The last thing I knew was this person coming out from the shadows and putting his hand over my mouth. Though that is not entirely true, I do remember something else. I remember the pain as he dragged me deeper into the trees, and I remember the smell of his aftershave wafting over me, which I knew that only Sean used. And then I remember being pressed down on the ground. It had been pitch black until then, but suddenly the moon came out and I saw directly into his eyes as he…" Helen took a loud gulp. "He looked possessed, and all I could think was what had I done that was so bad that he could be doing this to me. I must have blacked out then, for the next thing I knew I was waking up at the hospital unable to see or recall anything that had happened. Everything was just a blur and in that moment I wanted to stop living." Helen broke her eye contact with Nikki and looked away. "I wanted to tell you this, because I trust you, Nikki. I always have even before really knowing you. You were always kind to me, even when you infuriated me, because I knew you were right. Everything you said hit home to me, but I couldn't stop being a bitch; it made me feel strong and safe. If I put up defences then no one else could hurt me like Sean had. But now that I have you in my life I don't feel the need to protect myself any more; for you do that for me. When you're near me I can be the old Helen - without all the defences and barriers. You really don't know how much you mean to me Nikki." The conviction of Helen's words were palpable.

Helen's tale had left Nikki speechless . All she could manage to mutter back was. "You mean the world to me too." before she pulled Helen into a tight embrace. Her body's reaction to the close proximity of the small golden-blonde made her feel guilty, but she couldn't help it. Any time she as much as smelt Helen's unique scent it pushed her pent up hormones into overdrive.

Pulling away slightly, she stared down into Helen's eyes. She looked so exhausted, and Nikki realised that it must have taken a lot of courage to finally tell her the story, as it was far from pleasant. And reliving it all couldn't have been an enjoyable experience either.

"You need to sleep now," Nikki said gently.

"I don't want to…" Helen murmured into Nikki's shoulder. "Nikki…" Helen hesitated "Have you ever been in love? I mean, really in love?"

Caught off guard, Nikki simply replied with her heart more than her mind.

"Yes, I've been in love…" she could feel her heart beating a little faster at the mention of love. "But only once…"

Helen sighed contently and snuggled up closer to Nikki.

"So have I…" she whispered silently, not knowing if she should reveal herself completely to Nikki. She wanted to, but she was still not entirely sure she had the courage to do so.

As Nikki held on to Helen, she could feel her body start to react in the most unsettling way. She could feel Helen's warm breath brush across her collarbone, sending pleasant shivers along her spine. She didn't want to take advantage of the situation or of the bond of friendship they both shared, but this want in her was almost agonising. The beat of her heart began to match the throbbing that pulsated steadily further south in her body.

She tried to keep her hormones under control as this was neither the time nor the place to do anything about her raving lust. Or so she thought. She moved her head to talk to Helen and take her mind off of her illicit thoughts, but as she looked directly into a set of green grey eyes staring intensely into her own with a unhidden desire she knew she wasn't the only one feeling this way.

Of their own account, mouths sought out each other. Warm lips met in a hungry, raw kiss that soon escalated into many more, whilst hands started to search out the hidden places of pleasure. It was a moment both had envisioned a million times before, but one that neither could now comprehend.

"Helen, we can't do this here," Nikki gasped between kisses, but the only response she got was a low throaty moan of desire.

"Helen," Nikki desperately tried to prise herself away from Helen's embrace, but she found she couldn't muster the willpower or the inclination. She had waited far too long for this moment to break it up now - hospital or no hospital. Helen may not have had a tight physical grip on her, but emotional it was constricting her.

"Make me feel human again, Nikki." Helen breathed so seductively into Nikki's ear that the woman just couldn't refuse the request. Without hesitation or thought she clamped her mouth back over Helen's ravenously. The kiss grew deeper. Their lips clashed roughly, whilst tongues danced together rhythmically, with a passion that grew in intensity and need.

"No," Nikki finally pulled back, fighting for breath. But the regret of doing so would not be as great as the one she would feel if she carried on. "I want to make love to you properly. I want our first time to be special, not just some rushed job to satisfy a craving. I'm going to make you feel human again, Helen - but not here...not like this." Nikki looked so sincere and heartfelt that Helen could not be mad at her. Instead Helen felt her love deepen. She didn't want their first time to be just about sex either. She wanted a memory she could look back on and cherish.

"You really are beautiful, you know." She lifted her hand to softly caress Nikki's flushed cheek. "But you know what I've learnt from all of this?" Helen paused to give Nikki a look filled with intensity that gave her next words more weight. "Love...it's not about looks and it's not about gender. None of those things really matter in the slightest. I fell in love with you without having even seen you…I want you for you, Nikki…what you are inside, not for how beautiful you are or for what "bits" you do or don't have..." She paused once more with a mischievous twinkle in her eye as she continued. "Although I must say, it is a bonus." The two burst into uncontrollable laughter that was only broken when the door opened and Thomas made his way in. Nikki jumped away from the embrace immediately, but Thomas raised his hand to tell her she needn't have done.

"No need to break apart on my account. I just wanted to let you know the police have arrested Sean and are on there way here to take a statement from Helen. I also bumped into Doctor Harrison on the way here and he said Helen is free to leave whenever she's ready, the CT scans are all clear. Right, well, I best be off, I've done all I can here." Thomas turned to leave but Helen stopped him.

"Thomas, wait. I want to thank you for everything you've done for me in the last couple of hours. I really appreciate it, and again let me apologise for accusing you of the attack. I haven't had the easiest time of it lately."

"This hasn't been easy for me either Helen. I've lost you, even before I had you, and into the bargain I've lost my best friend. The only two people I though I could trust have betrayed me in the last 24 hours! Sean is a bloody sex pest and you turn out to be gay." Thomas thrust his fist squarely into the concrete wall without once flinching in pain. A sudden adrenaline was pumping so quickly around his body that he could hardly feel a thing.

"Thomas, please, don't make this any harder for me. I just fell for someone who happens to be a woman…I cant help who I love…don't be angry with me for that…" Helen had had enough aggression in these last few months to last her a life time, and the last thing she wanted now was an argument with a man she regarded as a good friend.

"Do you blame me for being angry! I thought we could have a future Helen; and Sean was like a brother to me. You're both bloody liars!" As Thomas dissolved into tears like a ruined man, it amazed Helen to see Nikki get up from her chair and go to comfort him. She held on tightly while he rocked himself on the floor like a defenceless little boy who needed soothing.

"Sometimes we lose people we love, and sometime we are betrayed by people we trust - that hurt never goes away, but we find new people who can replace them in our hearts. I know right now you're in pain, but believe me Thomas it will get better. You may have lost Sean, but do you really want someone like him as a friend? And I'm pretty sure you haven't completely lost Helen either. Has he?" Nikki looked up to Helen who shook her head. "See…This isn't the end Thomas, it's just a new beginning."

"I need to go home and sleep, I cant cope with this right now," Thomas wiped his tear-soaked face with some embarrassment, and moved away from Nikki's embrace with a quick squeeze of thanks to her shoulder. "I'm sorry for the outburst - I know it's the last thing you both need right now."

"We're both here if you need us," Helen added compassionately. She hated the fact Thomas was in turmoil and she was the main reason for it, in more ways than one. Thomas wasn't a bad guy really, despite his few faults. He was no Nikki, but he was no Sean either.

"Sure, I'll see you around Uni." Thomas didn't look back as he left room, bound for the apartment he once shared with Sean, which would now be eerily empty. It wasn't the only place that was strangely silent though. Nikki and Helen stared at each other in quiet contemplation. Neither new what to say, as there were just no more words that could be spoken. The love in each others eyes was enough.

"Come on, lets get you home. Thomas was right, you've had enough excitement for one day." Helen nodded in silent agreement. She had had enough of hospitals and heartache. All she wanted now was to return to normality, with Nikki Wade forever by her side.

**To be continued...**


End file.
